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Kikita and The Unseen Cuba

March 22, 2010 By Marta Darby 14 Comments

The following post was written by Kikita; who has recently returned from a trip to Cuba with her 96 year old grandmother.

Every day that I was in Cuba, I would get home to Tio Timbiriche's after a long day of adventuring and the question "Los Viejos" would ask me was always the same, "What did you see?"

And every day I would start my response with, "The question is: what did I NOT see?!?"

And I would proceed to tell them all the wonderful things I had seen, and I very carefully left out all the things I did NOT see; rather, all the things I was not supposed to see.

Part of my reasons for locking these things away was because they were looking at me with such joy on their faces, the way parents watch a child on his/her first day at Disneyland. They were looking at me and waiting to hear stories of places they have known and loved their whole lives, especially my abuela. I would not disappoint my audience. I would tell them what they wanted to hear and I chose my words carefully. I was even careful about what I wrote in the little journal I was keeping . . . and a good thing I was too, because one night Tio Timbiriche asked to see my journal. My heart just about stopped, but I made sure he didn't see anything but the beautiful things I was supposed to be seeing. The rest I was saving for now.

I did not tell them about the long walk to Yoani Sanchez's house. 

Long walk to Yoanis house  

I did not tell them about the view from her patio.

Veiw from Yoanis balconey  

I did not tell them because I did not "SEE" it. When, in fact, I did more than just SEE it. I FELT it.

Every where I went, I could feel the oppression. But sometimes it was hard to see.

It reminded me of a "What's wrong with this picture?"

Whats wrong with this picture  

Some things were glaringly obvious:

Bathroom on the way to Pinar del Rio  

while others were not:

Habana libre  

I didn't talk about all the doctors I saw in the streets because they can not afford a car. I didn't talk about the constant presence of olive green uniforms anywhere I went. I didn't talk about the "Punta de Control" checkpoints we had to drive past. I didn't tell them how scary and wrong it felt slowing down to almost a crawl while not making eye contact with military operative who could decide to pull us over for whatever reason. (Luckily, we never got pulled over.) I didn't talk about how I thought it was strange that not only were there militarios everywhere, there were police too.

I didn't talk about how seeing Che Guevara's image every place I turned made me want to vomit. In fact, the day I was coming from Yoani's house, I was so worried about my "cover story" that I shut off my emotions completely in order to get the proper pictures I thought would be requested of me later. No pictures were requested.

Che building  

I did not hear the indoctrination of the Cuban people first hand when someone mentioned Orlando Zapata Tamayo and called him an idiot for dying because "he wanted a bigger tv." (Let me clarify that: the woman did not know the real reason why Orlando Zapata Tamayo had gone on a hunger strike. She thought it was because he had wanted a better tv or a microwave.) I didn't turn on the radio and hear that Cuba was the FIRST country to send aid to Chile and that Cuba also sent the MOST aid.

Yes, of course I saw the Granma. Yes, I saw the newspaper too. 

I didn't see the tin roofs.

Tin roof with laundry  

I didn't see the look of hopelessness in the eyes of some of people.

Hopelessness  

I didn't see the broken benches at a park near where my grandmother used to live.

Bench  

I didn't see any propaganda.

Propaganda
Propaganda che  

I didn't see a buildings that looked to be on the brink of collapse Across the street from Hotel Nacional

across the street from the magnificent Hotel Nacional.

I didn't see graffiti. I didn't see my family members cleaning their plates as if they had no idea when they were going to eat again.

I didn't see the outside of homes.

Wednesday through Saturday morning 014

Only the inside.

Inside a house  

I DID see the manisero, but I didn't see how old he was or that he had a cane.

El Manisero  

I didn't hear someone say, "No, park further forward. There's a camera watching this corner."

I didn't see a sign for nominations  for the Committee for the Defense of the Revolution posted above an elevator.

CDR elections

And, finally, I didn't walk up a set of super steep and narrow steps to a room of MAYBE 300 square feet. I didn't see that there was a full-sized bed with thread bare sheets in front of me. I didn't see the grey slab of cement floor. I didn't see the bathroom that looked to have enough room for a sink, a toilet, and a stand-up shower. I didn't turn to see a pin-pan-pun (cot) pushed up against a short wall that would stop only a small person from falling down the steep stairs. And I defintely did not see that on top of those thread bare sheets were two little girls between the ages of 3 and 5 playing and laughing. I did not see the small refridgerator or the small counter or the hot plate serving as a stove. I did not see a pregnant woman arrive at this place she called home. I did not hear one of the little girls wave at me and say, "Adios!" as sweetly and innocently as possible. I didn't wonder what her future held. My heart did not break.

What did I see? What DIDN'T I see, THAT is the question. 

You might also like:

Kikita and the Nonagenarians Go To Cuba What I, Kikita, Learned in Cuba Kikita and the Ashes Go To Cuba Kikita, the Luckiest Girl in the World, Sees Ruben Blades in Concert

Filed Under: Cuban-American Life, Disney, Entertainment Tagged With: Amy, Amy (Kikita)’s Posts, Amy Kikita Hohneker, Amy's Posts, Cuba now, Cuba today, Disney, Disneyland, entertainment, kikita's trip to cuba, pictures of Cuba, poverty in Cuba, The Real Cuba, travel, what's wrong with this picture, Yoani Sanchez

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Next Post: Cubans in L.A. Hunger for Change »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. mario says

    March 22, 2010 at 11:21 am

    Wonderful, heartbreaking post, Kikita.

    Reply
  2. Anne Marie says

    March 22, 2010 at 11:24 am

    Wow, Kikita. By the broken park bench you had me in tears. I’ve been reading all these posts, and I just don’t know how (or why) to thank you, but I am so grateful. Having never been and barely known of Cuba, I find myself thinking, feeling, and experiencing it all vicariously through you.P.S. Pin-pan-pun is my absolute FAVORITE spanish (slang?)word.

    Reply
  3. Alina Mc says

    March 22, 2010 at 11:28 am

    …they may be ever seeing but never perceiving, and ever hearing but never understanding…Excellent insights. Thank you for bringing all of us along on your trip.

    Reply
  4. ORGULLOSADESERCUBANA says

    March 22, 2010 at 11:43 am

    Kikita, you need to warn us to get a tissue before we read your post. My co-workers are not believing my “it’s alergies” story any more. For someone your age, you are very wise. I had my heart in a knot reading your words and I felt like I was there experiencing everything firsthand. Thank you for sharing, I’m sure this post was hard to write as it made you re-live everything all over again.

    Reply
  5. Pototo says

    March 22, 2010 at 11:48 am

    Thanks. That is the REAL Cuba.

    Reply
  6. Kikita says

    March 22, 2010 at 2:53 pm

    Mario,Thank you.
    Anne Marie,
    It really is a great word, isn’t it?
    You’re welcome. 🙂 Thanks for living vicariously through me.
    AuntA,
    I know I’ve already said it, but thank you.
    Orgullosa,
    Sorry I forgot to warn you. 🙂
    It was hard to write only in that I was worried I wouldn’t be able to convey what I was feeling. (Since I’m hearing you all sniffling, I guess I must have done an ok job. =D)
    Pototo,
    You’re welcome.
    Again, thank you all for your continued support and readership. It means a lot to me to hear that you are able to feel like you were right there with me.

    Reply
  7. Michael says

    March 22, 2010 at 3:11 pm

    great series chica

    Reply
  8. Amanda says

    March 22, 2010 at 4:32 pm

    Kikita, you’ve had me crying for the last week. What an amazing, sad, wonderful opportunity.

    Reply
  9. mayda says

    March 22, 2010 at 5:04 pm

    I read and I weep……………You are doing a magnificent job
    describing all of your experiences.
    Thanks a million from someone who
    loves Cuba.
    Muchos besos para ti y tu familia.

    Reply
  10. Kiki Bacaro says

    March 22, 2010 at 5:12 pm

    sniff, sniff, bawl, bawl, sniff, sniff

    Reply
  11. Andria says

    March 23, 2010 at 6:37 am

    Thank you for you sharing your stories about Cuba. Too bad you couldn’t have done more travelling outside of Havana, into the eastern provinces. It’s a whole different world from Havana. My husband had only been to Havana twice, the first time with me for his medical to obtain his visa. Going into a grocery store in Havana he was in shock…seeing shelves of cooking oil, fruits and meats…when the stores in his town can go days without anything on the shelves. I have pictures of a hospital in Banes, when my MIL was sick, that I show people when they start talking about the hospital that is shown in SiCKO…it’s complete opposite. We are going down again in May for a week and bringing anything we can and getting it through customs. Our last trip had me in tears at the airport, after paying all the “taxes”…they even asked my husband why I was upset…and told him to get the money back from his family…unbelievable.

    Reply
  12. Kristen says

    March 23, 2010 at 11:18 am

    Amy…my heart ripped apart as I read your post. What a talented writer you are. You conveyed your thoughts very well, indeed! Please continue to write about your adventure.

    Reply
  13. Michele Verret Ayala says

    March 23, 2010 at 6:32 pm

    Doctors walking the streets are what Michael Moore wants. Excellent story. Love the theme “What didn’t I see”…profoundly silent.

    Reply
  14. Cubanita says

    March 23, 2010 at 8:53 pm

    The things she didn’t see…The things that I grew up with, as if they were normal…
    Great post, mi amiga.
    😉

    Reply

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