The grief is a funny thing.
It seems to come out of nowhere and wrap itself tightly around me without letting go making it impossible to breathe.
Just as suddenly it drops its clutches from around my chest and life goes on – business as usual.
That has been the rhythm of my days this past week. I’ve been consumed by grief over the passing of my beloved brother-in-law, Rafael Garcia ("Aqui como to’ los dias") and then, well, life just seems to go on.
We’re preparing a memorial service for him and it falls to us, Amy and me, to go through piles of pictures and hours of video to put together a remembrance of his life. So we laugh because he was such a clown. and we cry because he will be sorely missed.
We’ve been working for hours and days collecting the important moments of his life and sometimes the grief clings to us like a scared and drowning child, threatening to take us down too. But then it lets go and I see a photo of him playing with his grandchildren and it reminds me of how much we have to be grateful for.
My niece, Annette, his daughter, has been here with us for days, going through photos, laughing out loud as we recall stories about him. Then we sit and weep. He was a good man. My sister, Ofelia, his wife can barely speak to anyone. I can’t imagine the size of the hole he has left in her heart.
I know the process of grieving will take weeks and months and I am just embracing it. Death is part of life. The tears are just a measure of how much he was loved. It is OK.
The final irony is that he was celebrating his 19th birthday on January 8, 1959 when his party was disrupted by a band of bearded rebels parading into Havana. He passed away on February 19, 2008, the same day the still-bearded leader resigned his post.
I write this through a fog of tears, hoping it makes sense, though not really caring. I just want to get the thoughts out of me. I want to tell how his death is affecting me. I want to pay tribute. I want my life to get back to normal. I want it both ways.
I’m glad (so, so glad) I insisted on taking so many pictures of him and his sons and wife and daughter and grandchildren. I’m glad to have documented many of his best moments on film. It’s a relief now that we’re wanting to pay tribute to his life. It helps us tell the story.
The loss feels deep, gut-wrenching, overwhelming. I think I’ll just stew in this for a while. And very soon, I’ll get back to the business of blogging about the minutia of my day. And give myself permission to celebrate my own simple moments.
Right now, I just need to cry.
~In loving memory~
Rafael Severino Garcia
January 8, 1940 ~ February 19, 2008
Rafael,
Cuidate, viejo. Te extraño muchisimo.
Marta
Que en paz descanse. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family and may you all find solace in that Rafael was an integral part and co-creator of that big fat beautiful Cuban family you have been blessed with.
I’m so sorry for your loss, for the loss for your whole family, but especially for Ofelia. With love, respect, prayer, and more love on top of that–
Martica,As you stated, during this time of mourning, you are experiencing both, happy and sad memories, since you’re remembering the happy times with Rafael (Q.E.P.D.)and at the same time feel the pain of his loss … please know that you are all in my prayers! Here’s a beautiful poem that I would like to share with you … take your time … we will be patiently waiting, on your clock, to read your wonderful posts!
With sincere sympathy,
I wish you well 🙂 Melek
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I’m Everyplace
Don’t mourn for me;
I’m still here, though you don’t see.
I’m right by your side each night and day
and within your heart I long to stay.
My body is gone, but I’m always near
I’m everything you feel, see or hear.
My spirit is free, but I’ll never depart
as long as you keep me alive in your heart.
I’ll never wander out of your sight,
I’m the brightest star on a summer night.
I’ll never be beyond your reach,
I’m the warm moist sand when you’re at the beach.
I’m the colorful leaves when fall comes around
and the pure white snow that blankets the ground.
I’m the beautiful flowers of which you are so fond,
The clear water in a quiet pond.
I’m the first bright blossom you will see in the Spring
The first warm raindrop that April will bring.
I’m the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine
and you will see that the face of the moon is mine.
When you start thinking there’s no one to love you,
you can talk to me through the God above you.
I will whisper my answer through the leaves on the tree
and you will feel my presence in the soft summer breeze.
I’m the hot salty tears that flow when you weep and
the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep.
I’m the smile you see on a baby’s face.
Just look for me, I’m everyplace!
-Unknown-
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“You can’t prevent birds of sorrow
from flying over your head,but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair.” ~ Persian Proverb
Marta,I like your website. It’s great to know there are cuban-americans here in Orange County.
George
BTW: Sorry to hear about your brother-in-law.
So sorry to hear your sad news…
Marti,Lo siento mucho. It is true that the memories that will amuse and comfort us later on when we are less raw, make us cry when our loss is fresh and so big. You are blessed to have such a remarkable and loving family.
Please take care of yourself.
Love to the rest of the BFCF,
Nora
My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours, Marti.
Marta, please accept my heartfelt sympathies for your family’s loss. May your heart and soul find peace and comfort, and may his memory be for a blessing. Ziva