I can tell you now that it’s over.
I’ve been smack dab in the throes of a "cancer scare" for the past three weeks. Three weeks! That’s a long time to sit in this weirdness of wondering if I am okay.
But it turns out that I am OKAY.
It’s amazing how a few words were able to completely freeze all my thought processes. In my case the scary words that have been echoing in my brain and rattling my soul were: "growth" and "suspicious" and "biopsy."
And so I’ve been waiting. Waiting impatiently for lab results that could change my life.
I’ve been a little catatonic too. Not completely present as I went about the regular business of my life with a giant question mark hanging there in the back of my head like a stupid, giant chandelier.
How did I feel? Don’t know. Can’t say.
I felt. . . NOTHING. No emotion. Not even a coherent thought traveling through my brain. Numb. Yes. That’s it. I felt numb.
Lethargic. Apathetic. I didn’t want to do anything. I wasn’t even hungry. No, thanks, I don’t want to watch a movie. Or read a magazine. Or start a book, or even eat food. Chocolate? No, thank you. My taste buds seemed to have checked out along with my opinions and my sense of humor. (Which made me think that I would make a really rotten and uninspiring cancer patient, but then technically I really shouldn’t even be thinking about what it might be like because, really, why borrow trouble, you know? But that’s not important right now.)
Finally the letter arrived and I learned a new word with the magical power to cancel my fears: BENIGN.
Ah, sweet relief!
So what was the first thing I did? I wept.
And wept. Big, fat, sloppy, runny-nose, gasping-for-air, God-you-look-awful tears of relief.
Then I kissed my husband and hugged my kids. Tightly.
And then I ran to Target.
And got some stuff to celebrate the sweet, sweet ordinariness and lovely predictability of my every day life. =D
ADDED 2/5/09: I am both humbled and deeply touched by your amazing outpouring of love and support. The Cuban blogosphere is nothing to be trifled with! Thank you all for letting your presence be known by your comments and thanks also to those of you who sent greetings via email. I’m proud to know you!
Besos,
Marta
Cheering and tearing and so grateful you are good and fine and enjoying the small comforts that only a bag of Kisses can bring. Big Fat Cuban Beso to You.
Excellent news, Marta. Enhorabuena!
Glad the news was good!
I’m so sorry that you had to go through that scare. But very happy and relieved to hear it is benign. And welcome back to ordinariness! =)
“En hora buena y Gracias a Dios!!!”What wonderful news Martica!! Celebrate, but go easy on that chocolate …!
Happy for you, I wish you well 🙂 Melek
“Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.” ~ Unknown
Wonderful news…
I had sensed a disturbance in the force, but couldn’t put my finger on it.All humor aside, I’m glad all is well. BESOS!!!
Glad you’re well, Mrs. Darby!! =]
Whew! What a relief! I’m so glad that’s over for you. And yes, chocolate is the perfect antidote.
God bless!
Praise God that you are fine. I did sense in your writing that you weren’t you, for a few days…..But as you say, that’s not important right now.
Blessings, Ody
It is SO nice to learn of someone getting back a “benign”. Forget Target, you need a noche buena style party!
Marta,You don’t know me and I don’t you, except that I read and enjoy you very much. I came here through Babalu and have been enjoying your writing and your lovely family for some time now. And your recipes too!!
I am so glad that everything is well and so sorry that you went through this scare. Gracias a Dios for your strong Cubana spirit! You, like all strong Cuban women, are an inspiration, lady!
Love and health to you and yours,
Mario
Wow, just catching up on your blog. So glad to hear you are okay! Well, you are MORE than okay–you are FANTASTIC! and blessed…and awesome…and….SO DARN LUCKY TO BE GOING TO HAWAII!!! (Mike just added that as he read over my shoulder!) We love you and miss you and are picturing you under a swaying palm with umbrella drink in hand! (Not jealous, nope, not a bit…did I tell you about the rain here in England? the gloomy winter weather where the sun never comes above the housetops across the street because we live so far north…?? No? Never mind….) Seriously, Dahlink, have a lovely time and celebrate the Great News.PS Mike says, “Don’t forget the groceries in the jeep.”
Glad to know you will still be around for a while! Now go enjoy Hawaii, and keep those recipes coming (specially the Crockpot ones!)Enjoy The Rest of the Week.
Here, catching up the Cuban blogosphere reading after a few Mom&Baby sick days, I came accross the good news. Gracias a Dios que todo salio bien! Me alegro mucho por ti, y por tu familia, and you go girl! celebrate in Hawaii and with tons of chocolate!