It’s me, Amy. The Sell-Out.
I had a desperate moment.
I was out of café.
I was exhausted.
I was running late (or is it "latte"?)
I sold out.
I BOUGHT my morning cafécito from STARBUCKS!!
And this is how it went: I walked in, feeling ashamed. I kept my sunglasses on so I could not be recognized. I waited in line. There’s ALWAYS a line.
I listened to what sounded like another language.
"Grande Mocha Frappucino"
"No Foam, Half Caf, Venti Latte"
"Grande Caramel Machiato with Whip"
And then, it was my turn . . . "A double espresso please"
You know the Visa commercial where everything stops when someone pays with cash? I swear that’s what happened.
Everyone stopped. The "barista" looked at me blankly and said,"What?"
I repeated my order, "Double espresso"
"That’s it?" He stared at me in disbelief.
That was the moment I realized that further communication with the sub-species known as "Starbucks Barista" was futile.
🙂
(it won’t happen again)
We need to stage an intervention! I love reading your posts!
Great post Amy! You are almost as a good a writer as your mother.The acorn doesn’t fall far from the tree…
🙂
– DAD
That’s the place where they make you say “Tall” and “Grande” instead of small or large, right?I hate those fascists.
Ay, mija, cómo te entiendo! I know the drill…here, in the foothills of the lovely Rocky Mountains, we have (my Mom and I) encountered that “barista-face” thousands of times.And then comes the second part:
Barista: Just two single/double expresso shots?
Me: Yes, please
Barista: Don’t you want some milk or cream on it? (Notice the inflexion to start the question)
Me: No, thanks, we just want two double expressos, PLAIN double expressos
Barista: OK, but, are you sure you don’t want to put something on it?
Me: Yes, we are pretty sure we just want them plain.
And there I go, increasing the severity of their confused and perplex stated of mind, when I add: “Yes, just like that, we are Cubans and that’s the most similiar version of the coffee that we usually drink”.
Obviously, no Starbucks of any other coffee chain that we have traumatized here even brew Bustelo, Pilón or La Llave. That’s why I always enfasize the “most similar”.
Oh, my, I miss las coladas de Miami so much!
BTW, I love your posts… and I am also hace seen you dancing on national TV (or Miami?). Way to go girl!
Class-Yes, that’s the place. It’s torture. And if you say, “small” they won’t understand you.
Cubanita-
It was just Miami news, pero gracias. And I know what you mean about the baristas, they really want you to put something in it.
“Fine, 4 sugars please”
“What kind of sugar?”
(Me caso en esto!) “Ummm . . . plain?”
“Equal, Splenda, White, or Brown?”
(just to be difficult) “How about one of each?”
barista: “Do you want to put something in your double expresso?”Val: “Um yeah.” At which point I take out a nice cuban seed cigar, nip the end and dip it in the double expresson. There’s nothing like a good cigar dipped in cafe cubano.
Loved the post, Amy. Poor you. =( I feel your pain. Well, no not really, but one day…when I will begin to crave a double espresso and have to resort to buying it at an overpriced coffee hang out….THEN I will feel your pain. For now, I just like SAYING everything on the menu. =D Love ya!
Think of it as an alternate universe. Things might seem like the same, but there is just that little bit that is different.Thanks Marta, you always hit the nail on the head!!!!!!!!
Oh Amy…I, too, feel your pain. I also went to Starbuck’s today (ugh)…Those who work there *think* they know how to make coffee…so very sad.