My mom, Luz, is 93.
She is moving slowly now because she loses her balance, but her mind is still amazingly clear.
She has a sweet woman who keeps her company and takes care of her needs during the week. On weekends, my sisters and I take turns hosting her.
She is here with us this weekend.
That means that all my energy is going toward making her feel comfortable and welcome.
She likes her meals hot, so I have to cook three hot meals a day (usually Cuban – no complaints there!). But she doesn’t eat red meat, so I have to cook chicken or fish or sometimes pork. She prefers her chicken cooked whole, so I have to cook it that way.
Because she loses her balance, I have to help her shower. I throw her towels in the dryer, so she has hot towels when she gets out. She is a little vain about her appearance, so I have to "do" her hair and apply make up to her face.
She keeps giant scrapbooks that contain clippings and photos and napkins and matchbooks and business cards from every place she visits. This is obviously an ongoing project, and she is always adding to her books. She usually has projects for me because she thinks I can do anything (I guess that’s a huge complement. =D). In fact, she will be quick to tell you that all five of her daughters are not just beautiful, but extremely talented. (What daughter wouldn’t love to hear that constantly? What a gift!)
She doesn’t like to be alone, so even when she is reading her Bible or a book, she expects me to sit with her and I do. She insists that we all speak Spanish when she is here, so the kids and Eric get to practice rolling their r’s and saying "gracias" and "de nada."
She insists on sitting out in my garden for a bit and points out places I have missed weeding or plants that need re-potting. So I end up having to do some yard work.
I put her to work, too, though. I give her drawers to straighten out for me. Or papers to sort. I ask her to tell me stories of her youth and I make her do homework – a chronology of her life and about the people in it. Always present in my mind is the fact that she never had to do any of these things for her own mother, since she never got to see her again after 1961.
When I am cooking Cuban or trying a new recipe, I have to pull up a chair so she can sit near me as I putter around the kitchen. She insists on a beautifully set table (I am all over that anyway. It feels more abundant to me somehow. =D) and the dinner conversation is always lively and fun.
Admittedly, it is not easy on me having her here every few weeks, but it is my pleasure and my privilege.
Did I say "have to?" I meant to say I "get to."
I have started many posts with, "I have my mom this weekend…"
Everyone should be so lucky. =D
Thank you for sharing this with us. I am also very lucky – I get to have my mom in three weeks. Once she arrives from Miami, she will be with us for three months. I can’t wait… my mom for Thanksgiving, Noche Buena, and New Year’s Eve. Aside from the arrival of Baby, it’s the best gift of 2007!
Martica!What a blessing! I can tell “like mother, like daughter”… :))) Enjoy your mother!!
My mother was always big on setting a complete table for dinner … and I have done the same with my family. It’s one of those little nuances that become part of our daily lives . . . and it’s just so nice!
God Bless Dona Luz and your family. I wish you well 🙂 Melek
“Children are the anchors that hold a mother to life.” ~ Sophocles
What a blessing to have your mother still with you!I became an orphan a bunch of years ago, and never got to talk with my mother or father about a bunch of stuff that I’m deeply curious about, so here’s a piece of advice that I URGE you to follow:
Sit her at the dining room table, set a casette recorder in front of her and a video camera on a tripod near by and simply talk with her.
And talk and talk and talk.
Ask her about relatives. Who married who, who had what kids, who lived where, and who moved elsewhere.
Where are the most important family pictures, and ask her to identify people in them… unfortunately, most folks never write anything on the back of the photographs and they become useless garbage for the generations that follow because they must wallow in ignorance.
Then put your mother’s entire “testimony” down on paper, and pass on that information to your kids, and their kids, and so on. She may feel uncomfortable at first, but after the first hour, she will get used to “being interviewed” and will absolutely love the effort, because she will know that it is your way of immortalizing her, of influencing her descendants.
Unfortunately, I don’t have anything like that, because I learned about it too late, but nowadays I do my best to pass on the advice to others.
And enjoy the process!
Julio