• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
My Big Fat Cuban Family

My Big Fat Cuban Family

Cuban recipes, family, heritage, and culture.

  • Meet Marta
    • Media Mentions
  • Lifestyle
    • Cuban-American Life
    • My Big, Fat, Cuban Family
  • Entertainment
    • Disney
    • Marvel
    • Television
    • Concerts
    • Books
    • Theatre
  • Celebrate
    • Halloween
    • Thanksgiving
    • Cuban Christmas
    • Mother’s Day
    • Movie Nights
    • Summer Nights
  • Recipes
    • Cuban Recipes With Pictures
    • Family Favorites
    • My Cook Book
  • Shop
    • Cuban Foods Poster
    • Cuban T-Shirts
    • Costa Rican Foods Poster
    • Honduran Foods Poster
    • Puerto Rican Foods Poster
    • Salvadoran Foods Poster
    • Scottish Foods Poster
    • Customize Your Own
    • Cuban Goodies In Your Mailbox
  • Contact
    • Advertise
  • Archives

Celebrating a Life

April 5, 2017 By Marta Darby 6 Comments

I realize I’ve spent a bit of time now writing about how losing my mom, Luza has affected me. I’m not saying that apologetically. She was a tremendous part of my life and for so many years. 

And I have a lot to say on this particular subject, but today I want to share how we went about organizing a Celebration of Life.

How do you go about “wrapping it up?” When Luza passed away on January 14th, my sisters and I went about the business that needed to be taken care of: dismantling her house, giving away her things (as per her instructions), bagging and donating her clothes. Taking time to stop and weep. Bagging and donating and making decisions about all the things left behind.

There were decisions to be made about furniture and washers and dryers. But also there was the real business stuff. Closing bank accounts and notifying social security, selling her house, and of course, making “arrangements.” 

We had this posted in the Orange County Register…                          

“Making arrangements” is the catch-all euphemism for “how do we eulogize, memorialize, remember her, and celebrate her life?” 

In all modesty, this is the stuff I do best. My mom left notes. No will, per se. Just little pieces of paper tucked into her drawers where she knew we’d find them. Sticky notes on the bottom of items. It was almost like a treasure hunt. 

The best one was, “After I’m gone, if you have a party to go to, go. If you have plans, go enjoy your plans. Remember me by getting on with your life. Don’t stop living. I would go, too, if I could.” Isn’t that just delicious?

I have to appreciate that about her. She was very much of the belief that life goes on. And lived accordingly. 

“Don’t wear black. It’s stupid.” That’s what one of her instructive notes said. Made me laugh out loud. I think when she was a child she was forced to dress “in mourning” as was the fashion of the day in the 20’s. She was having none of that nonsense.  

We included a footnote to the invitation: In honor of her beautiful life and legacy, we encourage you to wear something bright.

She left very specific instructions for flowers she wanted. “One bouquet. 6 red roses for my children. 16 pink for my grandchildren. 12 yellow for my great-grandchildren.” That might have been my very favorite request of all. 

So I set about creating an event – it had to be An Event – to celebrate her 102 years of life on this earth. 

Not a funeral. Never a funeral. A Celebration of Life. With instructions to please wear bright colors. It was to be festive, you see. 

I collected all her photo albums and had my sisters take every picture frame she had in the house and get them to me. 

I had photos printed of her with each one of her grandchildren and children and good friends and I had those photos put into these very frames that came from her house. They ended up displayed on these shelves during the Celebration.

I perused my vast collection of archived photos of my mom. 

I created a photo book of her life. There were only 2 criteria for the photos – they had to be of Luza, or of Luza and… 

There were thousands. She lived for almost 103 years, people! So even choosing the photos that would go into the book was a painstaking process. 

It always came down to her and the most important people in her life – her family of origin, my dad, her kids, her grandkids, her friends, her great-grandkids. I wrote down these groups on a thousand post-it notes. I made decisions to include certain photos, skip over others. How do you honor a woman who still into her 100’s had very active friendships? This work was the hardest for me.

Or maybe that made it easier.

Then I took those photos as well as video we had from all the years we’ve been making family videos. (Note: I’m so very glad I went out of my way to videotape my mom in her last years.)

Here’s her famous Cuco and Yayo video. (Get popcorn.)

Luza had a wonderful collection of teacups – “tacitas” in Spanish. Our last Christmas in Cuba was December 24th, 1960. My aunt had given her a set of 4 artisan made demi-tasse cups. She brought those with us to the US.  She couldn’t have known that these would become a prized possession in our new home here in America.

She amassed a collection of over 1,000 teacups. Anytime a friend or family member went on a trip or visited someplace fun, they always remembered my mom and her collection. And so it grew.

We set up a display at the Celebration of a representation of that collection. 

We wrapped and gave one to each grandchild as a remembrance of her legacy, along with the previously discussed gifts for each one.

As we were wrapping and pulling teacups for the memorial I couldn’t help but notice that some of the memories represented were my own. 

Of places I had gone and remembered to bring her back the souvenir, or of things we had done together or places we had gone or memories we shared. It was both lovely and bittersweet.

My sister, Alina has a gorgeous home for entertaining. She generously offered to host the event. And serendipitously, an office situated off of the family room, which she calls The Chapel (because it has a couple of funky tinted windows) became the place where we created a Shrine to All Things Luza. It was all just perfection.

In the Shrine, we also had two of her favorite coverlets and explained their significance. Lucy took it upon herself to add the museum-type explanations to each of the items displayed. It was so very lovely. I kept thinking, “Luza would so love this.” 

I created a Spotify playlist of lots of her favorite Latin music which played throughout the day. 

And the food? Well, we had it catered by Porto’s Bakery, of course. 

The menu was very Cuban and and very varied. Medianoche sandwiches, potato balls, meat pies, pastelitos de carne and pastelitos de guayaba, fancy pastries. But also chicken salad, potato salad, and a Mediterranean salad. Lox and bagels, too. It was a brunch, after all, and because she loved all kinds of food. Isn’t it funny the things that stop you in your tracks as memories surface?

We gathered for an official “service” portion of the day with my niece, Kelley’s husband Jay officiating. He spoke of her life, the things and people she loved, her faith in God, and how we were all really her legacy. It was perfect. 

I created a 20 minute video recapping her life and those she loved in which I included video of her talking and sharing. Including this memory that I had filmed of her recalling her first-born, my sister, Ofelia.

As you can well guess, there were no dry eyes in the house.

The rest of the day was full of reunions and remembrances, with lots of old friends coming to pay their respects.

I was super grateful for dear friends offering to work the kitchen and keep the food trays filled giving us the chance to just grieve and be as present as we could possibly be on this day. 

I especially loved watching the grandchildren – ranging in ages from 52 down to 21 – as they told stories of growing up with Luza as their grandmother. Their love for each other and pride in their shared legacy was palpable. 

We took a thousand and one photos during this precious reunion full of happiness and sadness mingled together. 

All of us with smiles on our lips and eyes glistening with tears, dressed in bright colors, and telling stories in honor of The One responsible for all of this life and sweet craziness, Luz Aurora Verdés. 

A life so very worthy of celebration. 

You might also like:

Look at your life through Heaven’s eyes Celebrating Abuela I’m Luz’s Daughter Project Life (or How I Scrapbook My Real Life)

Filed Under: Celebrate, Cuban-American Life, My Big, Fat, Cuban Family Tagged With: Cuban family, Fat, My Big

Previous Post: « The Wonder That Is Sea World
Next Post: ‘Chef’ Inspired Birthday Celebration »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Milagros says

    April 5, 2017 at 5:46 pm

    Beautiful dedication to your mom, GOD bless you and your family .

    Reply
  2. Maria Cecilia Arza says

    April 5, 2017 at 9:32 pm

    Just wonderful, Marta.

    Reply
  3. Faustino Rodriguez says

    April 13, 2017 at 1:56 pm

    It would have been nice if you said “thank you” to all of us who gave you our condolences and support your blog.

    Reply
    • Marta Darby says

      April 27, 2017 at 4:30 pm

      Dear Faustino,

      I am exceedingly and unfailingly grateful for all the love and support I’ve received through this difficult time. Believe me when I tell you that my failure to respond to all the sweet condolences comes more from a place of being overwhelmed with all the stuff of trying to get on with life and not from any ungratefulness on my part.

      I’ve started a ‘thank you’ post a thousand times. I just truly have no words. This grief thing is hard.

      Thank you so much for understanding. You’ve been a wonderful and faithful reader. I appreciate your words of kind condolences.

      xo,
      Marta

      Reply
  4. Regina says

    June 30, 2017 at 11:48 am

    Precioso homenaje!

    Reply
  5. slither io says

    September 26, 2017 at 12:31 am

    Ceativity and the post clarity is awesome! I believe there are many who feel the same satisfaction as I read this article! I hope you will continue to have such articles to share with everyone!

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

TRY SUPER SMOOTH CAFE LA LLAVE ESPRESSO

Cafe La Llave espresso coffee pods

My Cuban T-Shirt Designs

“Cuban T-Shirts

Subscribe to MBFCF Newsletter!

Never miss a post! Sign up with your email address to receive recipes, news and updates right in your inbox!

Cuban Foods Poster

“Cuba

Cuban Coffee Poster

“Cuba

Cuban Desserts Poster

“Cuba poster - Cuban desserts subway art print

Most Recent Posts

  • Santayana loves Celia
    August 29, 2024
  • Post Solar Eclipse – Café La Llave Giveaway
    April 16, 2024
  • REAL Snow: A Darby Family Adventure
    March 19, 2024
  • Dulce De Leche Cheesecake with Maria Cookie Crust
    January 29, 2024
  • Hispanic Heritage Coffee Basket Giveaway
    October 24, 2023

Cuban Recipes Cookbook

Cuban recipes with pictures cookbook from My Big Fat Cuban Family

Follow Me on Instagram

mybigfatcubanfamily

I love all things Cuban. I love to share stories, my family, food & recipes. I'm Marta. 💋🎉 @martadarby
Marta Darby Designs:
https://etsy.me/3ZWbWIS

Oh, the Cubanity!! 🇨🇺❤️#mybigfatcubanf Oh, the Cubanity!! 🇨🇺❤️#mybigfatcubanfamily
O’ Hi! 👋🏼 ☘️🇨🇺Always represent O’ Hi! 👋🏼 ☘️🇨🇺Always representing. 😉#mybigfatcubanfamily
#stpatricksday
Believe it. ☕️🥰❤️Happy Sunday, my fri Believe it. ☕️🥰❤️Happy Sunday, my friends. 🎉#ohthecubanity🇨🇺
#belikemarta 🖖🏼😎
#thedrinkofmypeople🇨🇺☕️
I’m super crazy in love with my Christmas tree.🥰
And @gloriaestefan singing about it makes it that much more beautiful. Am I right? 🤩I’m over here waiting (rather impatiently) for Noche Buena to arrive. ⏱️
Who’s with me? 👀☺️🎄🙌🏼❤️#arbolitodenavidad
#feliznavidad
#ohthecubanity🇨🇺
I have a gift for you today on the blog. 🎁 Thes I have a gift for you today on the blog. 🎁 These Classic Cuban Crema de Vie printable labels designed by the lovely and talented @lucyruthdarby // I also share the recipe for our amazing Cuban egg nog. // 🇨🇺❤️ Merry Christmas, my friends.🎄 #itsacubanthing
bit.ly/2QJV2Ka
Best way to get from here to Noche Buena. Bring on Best way to get from here to Noche Buena. Bring on the @cafelallave
💚🗝️☕️🎄💃🏻🎶Feliz Navidad!!🎶🪅#cafelallave
#thedrinkofmypeople🇨🇺☕️
Felicidades, @anaqooks !!! I can’t wait to dig i Felicidades, @anaqooks !!!
I can’t wait to dig in! So proud of you, my friend. 😘❤️🥰
Bacon Guava Cream Cheese Bites. You should totally Bacon Guava Cream Cheese Bites. You should totally make these for Thanksgiving. Also, practice taking bows and saying, “it was nothing.” 🇨🇺🎉🏆 Here’s the link -  bit.ly/GuavaBites #thefoodofmypeople #guavabites
A big a Thank You shoutout to @santayanajwlrs in M A big a Thank You shoutout to @santayanajwlrs in Miami for this gorgeous Celia Cruz quarter which they made into a FINE piece of jewelry. 🤩🇨🇺💃🏻🎶
I’ll be wearing it with great pride.
“Abre que voy! Cuida’o con Los callos!” 🎶
AZUCAR!!!#santayanajewelers
#celiacruzquarter
#mybigfatcubanfamily
Our favorite sound…🙌🏼☕️💚🗝️“Mas cafecito, por favor.” ☕️❤️#cafelallave☕️
#thedrinkofmypeople🇨🇺☕️
#mybigfatcubanfamily
I want to recommend this beautiful story to you. 📕
1) Because the author @titaramirezwriter writes with such an appreciation for Cubanity. 🇨🇺🙌🏼
2) Also, is this the BEST quintessentially Cuban book title ever?? yes. Yes it is. 🇨🇺❤️🌴Felicidades, Tita on such a delicious read. ❤️🏆#ohthecubanity🇨🇺
#dimelocantando
#tellittomesinging
I’m excited and proud to share that my shop, Mar I’m excited and proud to share that my shop, Marta Darby Designs on Etsy is back open for business! 🎉
I have food posters from many countries available in multiple colors. ⭐️
Choose from digital uploads, printed posters, or framed posters. (Link in bio)
Que pachanga! 💃🏻
Come take a look and shop around. You’re bound some to find something you love.❤️https://etsy.me/3ZWbWIS#cubanfoodposter
#martadarbydesigns
Croquetas > Pumpkin Spice
This is the truth. Don’t @ me. 🇨🇺
.
.
.
.
.#ohthecubanity🇨🇺
#belikemarta 🖖🏼😎
#mybigfatcubanfamily
#croquetas
#pumpkinspice
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I’m pretty easy to catch.
🤭#pastelitodeguayaba
#belikemarta 🖖🏼😎
AHORA SI!! 🚨 My friends at @santayanajwlrs le p AHORA SI!! 🚨
My friends at @santayanajwlrs le pusieron la tapa al pomo!
Have you seen the new Celia Cruz quarters?? 🇨🇺💰
Well, Santayana has designed this gorgeous piece of jewelry. Seriously. 🤩
I’ll tell you all about it over on my blog. 🗣️ Porque I have all the chisme on this gorgeous piece. ❤️I know. Im a little crazy about it because we Cuban Queens have to stick together. 😉Link in profile! ☝🏼 ¡AZÚCAR! 💃🏻https://www.mybigfatcubanfamily.com/2024/08/santayana-loves-celia/
My good friends at @albisacandles are celebrating My good friends at @albisacandles are celebrating that 5 Years ago they introduced the amazing Cuban Bread Candle into the world.🌎
Those of us who have difficulty finding Cuban Bread are so grateful for this very Cuban scent. 🇨🇺🥖
Congratulations, my friends! 🎉Try it. I promise you’ll never be the same. 🇨🇺🥖❤️Oh, the Cubanity! 🤯#ohthecubanity🇨🇺
#belikemarta. 🖖🏼😎
#cubanbread
#cubanbreadcandle
#albisacandles
This was my breakfast. ☕️
And my lunch. ☕️
And my afternoon snack. ☕️
Because CUBAN. 🇨🇺☕️Who’s with me? 🙋🏼‍♀️
Gracias, @cafelallave#cafelallave
#ohthecubanity
#cafecubano
It goes without saying. Because CUBAN! 🇨🇺🍮#cubanfood
#cubanflan🍮
#thefoodofmypeople🇨🇺
This is so real. 🇨🇺🥖🙈Thanks to my fr This is so real. 🇨🇺🥖🙈Thanks to my friend, @theyumyumfoodie ❤️🙏🏼#thefoodofourpeople
#ohthecubanity
We have known this our whole lives! “Oye, Chiqu We have known this our whole lives!
“Oye, Chiqui! Traéme el VIBAPORU!! 🎯💃🏻❤️🎉#mybigfatcubanfamily
#futbol
Follow on Instagram

Follow Marta On Social

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn
  • Pinterest
  • RSS
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

FEATURED POSTS

  • My Big Fat Cuban Cooking Playlist
    November 21, 2016
  • Bacon Guava Cream Cheese Bites RecipeBacon Guava Cream Cheese Bites Recipe
    October 3, 2016
  • Chicken Soup Recipe - Cuban-styleChicken Soup Recipe: Cuban-style
    July 27, 2016
  • Picadillo Pies Recipe
    July 27, 2016
  • El Flan de La Reina Recipe
    July 27, 2016

Blog Archives

Recommended Services

Orange County Private Investigator
Enterprise SEO

Footer

Meet Marta

Marta Verdes Darby is a Cuban-American food blogger in South Orange County.

Connect

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn
  • Pinterest
  • RSS
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Sign Up For My Newsletter

April 2017
MTWTFSS
 12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930
« Mar   May »

Copyright © 2025 my big fat cuban family

 

Loading Comments...