It’s not that we didn’t know it was coming.
I’m talking about my mom, Luza. She was, after all, 102 years old – going on 103, mind you.
Thanksgiving 2016. 4 Generations.
My sisters and I had often discussed things like, “this might be her last – *Birthday, Mother’s Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas.” *(__________) fill in the blank*
We started throwing her birthday parties when she got into her 90’s. Por si acaso. (Just in case.)
I made a mental note to take lots of photos and video of her in these last years. Last years? Of course. I know. I made sure I photographed her often and with every family member, at every occasion we had to get together.
February 2013. 99th Birthday Celebration with 99 Red Balloons
None of us are guaranteed long life. And if there are many years, what will the quality of those years be? Luza was in excellent health. Her long years have been good ones. But, of course, when the time comes we will be ready. It has, after all, been a very good and long life. 102 years! (One month shy of 103.)
December 2016. Luza surrounded by her 5 daughters.
So it happened that when, on New Year’s Eve, when Luza (102 – one month shy of 103) fell ill and had to be hospitalized, we started to wonder if her time had come.
February 2015 – 101st Birthday
That day in the hospital, she was lucid enough to remember that it was her wedding anniversary. 77 years ago, she and my dad were married on New Year’s Eve – a date that would always be easy for him to remember. She still smiled when she recalled that detail.
Circa 1950. Papi & Luza.
Then they sent her home a few days later under hospice care. Hospice care. That’s medical code for: they were sending her home to die. We knew that, of course.
Christmas 2014. Luza and many of her grandchildren.
Her body was tired. 102 years – one month shy of 103 – is a lot of years. The kidneys were the first to protest the length of their work load.
But still she persisted. But we were ready, of course. Of course. We had had her with us for such a long time. Longer, really, than anyone was entitled to. And in such good health. Were we greedy to want more time?
February 2016. Me & Luza on her 102nd birthday.
I wanted Amy to take Sebastian to see her. One last time? I don’t know if I even spoke the word, last.
That day, she was sitting up at the table in her usual spot and was delighted to see the baby. She played with him and said his name. She joked with Amy in the comfortable way they’ve always done.
January 7th, 2017. The oldest and the youngest. The last photo of her.
I snapped that photo of them just before I put her to bed.
“Mami, te quiero mucho.” I told her as I tucked her in.
“Ay, Martona. Te quiero mas.” (She always made me laugh when she called me, Martona.) This surely couldn’t be the last time I would hear her say it.
February 2014. Surrounded by her children on the occasion of her 100th birthday.
She slipped out of lucidity shortly after that. Amy read somewhere that when people are dying they get one last burst of energy. That’s probably what happened, she said. I wasn’t quite sure. Maybe she’s going to be okay. So what if she’s 102 (a month shy of 103) and on hospice care? She might pull through.
I know. I KNOW.
Thanksgiving, 2013.
A week later, on January 14th, at 6:15 pm, my sweet mother quietly took her last earthly breath.
And I was not ready. How could she be gone? This was not supposed to happen.
I know. It’s not that I was in denial, It’s that I was being selective about the reality I would accept. And the reality where my mom was not a part of this world was one I didn’t like.
August 2015. Party at my house. My mom and my sisters.
The tears were relentless and I would in turn grieve and beat myself up. “But you knew it was coming.” I did. I just didn’t want it to be real.
And so now it falls to me to commemorate her beautiful life. Her long (102 years – a month shy of 103) and amazing life. How very bittersweet.
Sending out postcard announcing her passing along with an invitation to celebrate her life.
Today is Valentine’s Day. I was thinking about those I love the most, which of course includes my husband and my family, my grandsons. You know, the usual suspects. And, of course, I thought of Luza.
She departed exactly one month ago today and I have finally steeled myself to sit here and begin to write about it all. It’s time to go through her things, to scan the old photos, to find appropriate music, and order food and flowers.
To prepare, not a funeral, but a Celebration of Life.
February 2013. Surrounded by 99 Red Balloons.
And we will celebrate her long and beautiful life on the same day we would have celebrated her 103rd birthday. I know. It’s perfect.
Perfect, indeed. Sending light and love, prayers and good memories. ❤❤❤
Beautiful tribute?
This was perfect and so touching. I just lost my grandmother a week ago today and this sums up exactly how I felt….
Gracias…
Your writing make us feel like we belong to your family. Thank you. From the cold tundra of Cleveland, Ohio I send you prayers and hugs. How very fortunate to have had your dear Mother this long. Keep on writing, it keeps our Cubanidad alive!
Very nice you had me crying ? que bella tu mami. You had her for some real good long years que bendición. Only tine will get you thru this difficult time, the first year is the hardest. After that it gets better because you have all her memories and stories that keeps her alive in you. I lost my mami 9 years ago she was 81 and my hero. Que Dios te de muchas paz . Beautiful tribute ?❤️?
So beautiful.
What a beautiful way to honor your mother on this day of Love. What a glorious day it will be when you see her again!!!
Love you my friend. :-*
I lost my mom 4 days after yours. She was 92 and went to bed on the 17th feeling fine and did not wake up on the 18th. My deepest condolences to you and your family. As you do, we cherished every day of her life. May the beautiful memories remain in your heart forever.
Beautiful ….Beautiful………Rest in Peace Luza.
How can one shed tears for a person they’ve never met?
I’ll tell you how: You shared your mother with us through your wonderful stories and remembrances. I love reading your posts about the Cuba of yesteryear, and my favorite of those are the ones that include your mother. In sharing your family with us, we have come to love them. I so looked forward to your posts that featured your beautiful mother! I pray that as you grieve you will be bolstered by the love that you both shared. How wonderful that you both expressed your love for each other!
Beautiful!
Ay, Marta. Me mataste. Such a beautiful tribute. Thank you for sharing her lovely energy with us. I hope I can handle it with as much grace as you have when the time comes. As you know, it’s been coming for some time. Sending you so much love.
Beautiful words Marta <3 I know you pain and I am crying tears as I read this tribute for an awesome and wonderful lady. You are never ready,Yor mama passed there years and two days after mine. I'd like to think they are having a reunion of Cuban mamis in heaven <3 <3 <3
I’m so sorry for your loss marta.
I noticed in your picture of you and your five sisters with your mom, (the first one) I think I know her, her face seems very familiar. I too grew up in miami. My name when I was in school was carmen vance …..she can see a picture of me on my facebook page under carmen vance tirado . Please let me know. …thank you and praying for your mom.
Marta,
Beautiful, thanks for sharing! My own
mother lives with us & is 95 yrs old. I always looked
forward to your stories about your Mom!
May she Rest in Peace.
A warm hug from one Cubanita to another ❣
Oh Marta, you have brought tears to my eyes. This was a beautiful tribute to your mom. I lost my 75 years old mother of a massive heart attack on June 15, 2016 and my heart has been broken ever since. My mom was not sick she finished taking a shower to go for a final test to make sure she didn’t have a blocked artery and she never made it to her appt. The Sunday before she passed I hugged her and said “Mami te quiero mucho” and hugged her not knowing it was the time I would hold her in my arms. She was a wonderful person and thank God he chose her to be my mother. Luz will live forever with you and your family as it is the wonderful memories that keep them alive.
I want you to know I prayed for her with every meal for quite sometime. It usually fades away. I take that as a que from God that He’s got. It’s so hard to lose your Momma, your friend, your history book, your confidant and your sounding board. One day it will be easier to breath through the pain. My sweet Momma also used to always “I love you more mija”. I am glad you had as much time with her as you did, but alas it’s never enough. Take care God Bless.
Oh I forgot to mention her name was Marta as well. ?
I met her at the Las Damas march in 2010, and thought her young- yes she had that kind of spirit that overrides the physical. I was so honored to meet her. 0f course your post has me sobbing, for her, and my own Mom. Love and hugs my friend.
Beautiful words. We are never ready to lose anyone we love. Thank you for sharing. Xo
So sorry for your loss, May she rest in peace. Que en paz descanse your beautiful mami.
I feel like I knew Luz.
You have so many things to be grateful for, and many of those things
are thanks to Luza and Rodolfo’s heart-wrenching decision to leave
Cuba and give their children the most precious gifts of all, freedom.
Next time there is a family reunion, look around and count how many people
owe their very existence to that action
As I begin to get older ( 45 this year), I begin to think about my parents getting older as well and I am treasuring every single moment with them. I’ve read almost everything you have ever written about Luza and it inspires me everyday to make more memories. I’m sorry for your loss, but i can tell you Martha you have an amazing angel in heaven. God bless you and your family. Descanza en paz Luza , mandanos muchas bendiciones desde el cielo.
Beautiful.
My mother passed away August 5th, 2015. I’m still lost without her. I can imagine what you and your family are going through. My deepest condolences. May she rest in peace.
I read this and cried. Remembering my own parents who died last year my dad at 91 and my sweet mom at 93. I was so grateful to have them for so long and you so fortunate as well. It’s a terrible gut wrenching pain and I pray for their souls to rest in peace. Abrazos
103 red balloons adorn the celebration, and 103 Gracias por compartir la belleza de tu Luz. BB2U
Yes, yes being greedy for wanting more time with your mom, Luz, is perfect. When love is so abundant in your wonderful and blessed family, it is what carries one during this “selective reality”. My deepest condolences to you all for your strong and inspiring mom that I only knew through this beautiful blog of yours, Marta. May sweet, Luz rest in peace. And may you always enjoy the freedom and love of her sacrifices. And the peace of knowing that you will always be loved.
Marta, this is such a beautiful tribute for your mom, may she rest in peace and may God give you and your family the strength to get through this.
It doesn’t matter if a loved one has been ill or is just in their advanced age, you never are ready for their loss. I’m so sorry for your loss.
So beautifully written. So sorry to hear she has passed. I have enjoyed her comments during the years that i have followed your blog. She leaves behind a beautiful legacy of love. Will keep you all in my prayers. God bless.
Amazing, simply amazing tribute! You my fellow Cubana, Marta, have done a stupendous job in introducing your beloved mother, Luza and your family to us, the public. You made me cry and you made me smile. Your blog has always been my go-to for everything Cuban. You are a true inspiration. Through your writing you enlighten us with all things Cuban, from stories, to recipes, music and myths. I wish you beautiful eternal inner peace, happiness and wonderful memories. You will never forget her but time will help ease the heartache. I too lost my mom 4 years ago, she was 86. I guess it’s the circle of life. But we are never ready for it. My most heartfelt condolences and God bless you and your family. Besos y fuerte abrazos. <3
I am so sorry to hear about her passing. Sitting in my office reading and crying, I feel like I knew her and will also miss her. She is beautiful. I will be 71 tomorrow – I am shooting for 100
Beautiful words Marta. I am very sorry to hear about Luza’s passing. I know exactly how you feel. I lost my Dad October 14, 2016. I miss him very, very much. Just knowing that your Mom lived a full 102 years is amazing. I always liked to see her pictures on your blog, always laughing, always happy. We know that they are getting old, that they will one day be gone BUT we are NEVER ready for that moment. I miss talking to my Dad on the phone every day. I miss his laughter, his voice. I look back at all the fun times we had and it helps to soothe the pain. My prayers are with you and your beautiful family.
Beautiful tribute to a loving mom, from her loving daughter. My sympathies to you and your family. God Bless, Dulce
I’ve read this post a few times and, I think to myself I’d probably feel the exact same way as you. No one is ever ready for Mami to leave this earth. May she rest in peace forever. I hope you are feeling stronger these days! She is with you always. ??
I am struggling to hold back tears when reading this. I can feel the love of your family so deeply in the words. I’m reliving the loss of my own mother and feeling the heartbreak that comes even when you know they’re with their beloved and God again in a whole new body. I’m wishing to spend more time with my daughters who live far away in Michigan because I don’t want to miss a moment or a memory. And I’m thankful that you and I were blessed to have mothers that made family and love such a part of life. <3 Blessings
Ahy “martona” we are never prepared to loose anyone that we hold close to our hearts . And I speak from the heart mamita because I have lost my whole to death . You will feel her next you i promise you that . I can’t say when or where but you will . Hang in there martona you will be just fine .love lisy
Wow, 103rd birthday.