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The Language of Love: Step-by-Step

February 14, 2011 By Marta Darby 11 Comments

My husband, Eric was busy with his latest "home project."

My mom happened to be over here and taking in "el show" as Eric very carefully worked on cleaning the stairs.

He started at the top and carefully swept and brushed each step. He had gone shopping for some Woolite Carpet Cleaner and then used Folex as a backup. All the cat hair, dirt and grime started disappearing. It was quite satisfying to watch the carpet return to its former glory.

Step by step, Eric brushed and sprayed. It took him about a good, long hour.

My mom watched with great interest and some surprise.

"He's doing it all by hand."

"I didn't realize he was so serious about cleaning."

On it went for the next hour. As Eric cleaned each step, my mom commented her surprise.

Stairs

She had seen him work hard around the house before, but never doing the cleaning. (That's women's work to her, but that's not important right now.)

This scene gave me the opportunity to explain Love Languages to her.

She actually took notes as I explained how we all have different languages to express and receive love.

The following is taken directly from the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman website:

  • Words of Affirmation

    Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

  • Quality Time

    In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

  • Receiving Gifts

    Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

  • Acts of Service

    Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

  • Physical Touch

    This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

 

We discussed how different people in our family show their love. She commented that as much as she likes gifts, she would really rather have someone spend time with her. She even took notes on this. (I thought that was very cool. She'll be 97 next week and she was excited to learn something new. Amazing.)

Anyway, back to the stairs…

I explained that since I've been struggling with my health lately, Eric has felt a bit helpless.

So cleaning the stairs, step-by-step, is really his way of showing concern and saying, "I love you." It's an Act of Service.

I could tell by the look on her face that this bit of information finally connected for her. (I think that's when she started calling him "San Eric.")  😉

All I know is that as I go up and down my stairs in the course of my day, I am reminded with each step that my husband loves me.

I love you, too, Honey.

Happy Valentine's Day.

You might also like:

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Filed Under: Lifestyle Tagged With: carpet cleaning, Folex, Gary Chapman the 5 love languages, Woolite Carpet Cleaner

Previous Post: « On a clear day, you can see Havana
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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Carrie says

    February 14, 2011 at 12:28 am

    Que fabulous, that Eric is.I love you both!!!
    Happy Valentine’s Day!

    Reply
  2. [email protected] says

    February 14, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    That is definitely an expression of love.. You are a lucky woman! And what is more beautiful is that you see it and appreciate it in that form. Have a great Valentine’s with your sweetie.

    Reply
  3. Michele Caridad says

    February 14, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    awesome post MArta! Happy Valentine’s Day! but i think you know more than us about the day, month, year of showing love…as you do it every day via this blog! OXOXO

    Reply
  4. Maura says

    February 14, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    Que lindo, Marta! What a nice thing for your husband to do. I love the Chapman book as well – we received a copy as a wedding gift from a friend and have since bought copies for other couples we’re close with. Everybody likes to be loved differently, and that book was a huge help in understanding that not all kinds of love are the same.

    Reply
  5. Marta M. Darby says

    February 14, 2011 at 4:39 pm

    Thanks, Carrie!Besos!!

    Reply
  6. Marta M. Darby says

    February 14, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    Blanca,I KNOW I’m a lucky woman!
    xoxo,
    Marta

    Reply
  7. Marta M. Darby says

    February 14, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    As usual, you are much too kind to me.Besos!

    Reply
  8. Marta M. Darby says

    February 14, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    Hi Maura,Thanks for stopping by. I feel your love. 😉

    Reply
  9. christina carter says

    February 14, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    Darby,Hey, what’s happening with your health? Are you okay? Miss you. We need to eat a crepe; and soon.
    love,
    Christina
    p.s. nice story on love languages. Eric is a keeper.

    Reply
  10. marta says

    February 14, 2011 at 9:18 pm

    Love your story Marta! And the visual, I love a clean home and so nice when hubbies help. It truly a demonstration of love. Wish you and your hubby a Happy Valentines! What is going on with your health Marta?

    Reply
  11. Ileana says

    February 15, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    Stop. Making. Me. Cry. That was simply and truly beautiful. Sniff, Sniff. Besos, abrazos y buen salud! <3

    Reply

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