I don't know how many posts I've started with…."I have my mom for the weekend," but I know there are many.
My mom, Luz, will be 96 next week. She is in good health. She doesn't suffer from any disease other than old age.
Her bones are healthy. She has a great appetite. She repeats herself occasionally (96!), but is completely lucid.
Sometimes she gets tired. And she gets demanding. And she gets unreasonable. And I find myself getting a bit of an attitude. (Like, I've never been tired and demanding and unreasonable!)
You know what I'm talking about. I (internally) roll my eyes and think, "Ay, Mami, por favor."
I confess that I get tired of catering to her needs. Yes. I'm that selfish. (I know. Shut up.)
And then I regroup and remember this: I do not want to have any regrets.
No regrets.
That's my mantra on the weekends when she stays with us and wants things done her way.
And believe me, her way can be pretty exacting.
For example, she likes the water in the shower to be body temperature. So I test it before helping her get in, with my elbow, just like I tested the bath water for my babies.
She needs three bath towels. Three. Heated in the dryer so that they are toasty. One for her hair, one for her shoulders, another for the rest of her.
She likes 3 hot meals. The table must be set with real dishes. No paper or plastic for her.
Coffee or tea cups must have matching saucers. No random mugs for her.
There's a long list of idiosyncratic must-haves. And I go out of my way (and comfort-zone) to provide them.
And sometimes, because of my own selfishness, I balk at her demands.
But I quickly re-group and remind myself, "She's 95 (almost 96!), show some compassion."
Then I repeat these words: No regrets.
That phrase generally knocks me off of my selfish-throne and allows me to be gracious.
Because she asks me to do other things that aren't on the radar of most other 95 (almost 96!) year olds.
So, without complaint, I do her hair and fix her makeup. And paint her nails.
When she asks for the bright red polish, I laugh and shake my head. "Ay Mami, por favor."
And I thank God that I get to do this.
No regrets.
No regrets Marta…what a mantra. I fully feel the joy and frustration at caring for our beloved parents. What lovely hands! Countless efforts, diaper changes, meals and loving caresses with those hands. God bless her. You are so lucky. I too have no regrets with my mami and papi. What a gift to give ourselves and great examples for our kids.xoxo
p.s. you made me cry…again!
Love this. So often people use the expression “no regrets” to justify past behavior. I’ve done such and such, but don’t regret it. I LOVE that “no regrets” can be used in the future tense as a way to keep us kind, and good, and thoughtful. I’m totally using this, amiga. Thanks.
Mi amiga, I am so in the same page with you. No regrets, no matter what… I am blessed, very blessed to have both mami y papi living with me, both helping me to raise my son and echar pa’lante in this country.I will have no regrets, no matter what. I should print that in my living room walls..
Mami and I just did our pedicure yesterday: I did her toes because it is hard for her to bend over and end with “detailed cleaned and cut nails”, and then she did mine. We got ligther polish though 🙂
Right after my surgery, when I was still unable to drive, papi would drive me to my class and will wait for me 1.5 hrs after I was done teaching!
That, my friend, is priceless – I just regret that I might not have seen it that way in the past, therefore, I also see it every day towards the future.
I too have always lived with my grandmothers until i got married and now only my little sister is left at home to help my mom with a 92 yr old and 86 yr old. They have completely opposite health issues where one is lucid and has every ailment in the book (incl. a recently broken hip) where my other grandmother was fairly healthy until recently and suffers from Alzheimer’s) needless to say, My mom has her cup beyond full as she is their PRIMARY caretaker and works a full-time job. each Call from home is a surprise and my mom doesnt get out much other than teh 4 hrs that teh nurse comes to relieve her during the week and what my sister (who has 90% of the task compared to me) and i can muster up to volunteer! Like you, my mom lives on a No regrets Mantra and i think that she’s earned that title! I love the fact that No regrets can be applied like PAy it Foreard almost and i have also applied it not only to my grandmothers, my mother and also to my daughter! if only my job and my schedule would get the memo as well!
You said it pal! Well done.
What a beautiful gift you’ve been blessed with. I am so happy you live in realization of this… so many don’t and even more people would give anything for one more day, hour, moment with thier mom (or dad, in my case).I hope you two had a wonderful weekend. Thank you for sharing yourself with us. I appreciate you.
How beautiful! the words and picture. I too have my 95yo mom with me and also lose some patience with her but realize how blessed I am (we all are) to have had her all these years with us! God bless them…..
words to live by, “No Regrets”….Thank You, this will help me when those moments pop once in a while where patience is needed…. This article brougt tears to my eyes.