Hello my people! It’s Kikita here. I’m in serious need of your help.
Now, the following may be difficult to believe, but I promise it’s the truth. Yes, the beautiful Kikita is still VERY single. (shocking. I know.)
“And I’m gonna be 30! . . . SOMEDAY!” (When Harry Met Sally)
Anyway, I’m currently facing a couple of obstacles in my singlehood. The first is inevitable (I really am much more humble in person . . . I think), I am “beating them off with a stick” because I’m just so gorgeous. I know it’s cliche, but sometimes I get tired of hearing about my looks. I would love to hear about my personality or my wit or something . . . but then again:
“Don’t youknow that a man being rich is like a girl being pretty? You wouldn’t
marry a girl just because she’s pretty, but my goodness, doesn’t it
help?” (Gentlemen Prefer Blonds)
So my real issue here, is how does one choose? What should I be looking for?
Mami always says,“Don’t compromise on the big things.”
But . . . WHAT ARE THE BIG THINGS?
Since I love dancing so much, does it become a big thing?
What about the whole, marrying a Latino thing? Is that compromise-able?
Really then only thing I know for sure is that he should be a Christian (core beliefs and all that). Beyond that . . . I’m at a loss.
And I’m feeling all kinds of extra pressure because the cousins that are my age are all married or about to be.
I heard somewhere about a kind of “life-map” that was specifically for girls like me (you know, not desperate yet, but faced with too many choices and starting to feel pressure from the almighty abuela). You write down a very detailed description of what you want in your future husband and then you find a picture (be it a model, actor, random person, whatever) of what you are hoping he looks like. You put both up in a place where you will see them everyday. And, in a kind of fun voodoo, you being to attract people that fit the description.
Sounds fun right? Except, I’m having an impossible time of it.
I have sat down with a girlfriend and we have begun”The List.” But everytime I sit down to work on my list, my mind goes blank. It took me a week to come up with the word “romantic!”
(on the flip side, I’m getting really good at knowing what I DON’T want) 😉
And the picture! I’ve got what . . . maybe 3 major Cuban role models to choose from? (Andy, Willy, Desi)
Yeah, I agree Andy’s gorgeous . . . but is that REALLY what I want? An Andy type?
I was thinking of using a photo of James Roday (Rodriguez) from PSYCH, but will the fact that he’s not really Cuban, but just has a Spanish surname jinx it?? (admit it. he’s adorable.)
Or what about one of the Orishas?
But will their non-Christian name jinx it?
WHAT TO DO?
Help me, my blog friends, you’re my only hope!
http://s3.polldaddy.com/p/913927.js Who represents the best type of potential husband?
( surveys)
OK, I know you wrote this tongue in cheek, but as an old maid of almost 45 who is finally getting married, I do have an opinion on this. I had several boyfriends want to marry me. The main reason I turned them down was I wasn’t as crazy about them as I wanted to be, but there were practical considerations, too.A few were big atheists. I should never have dated them in the first place. If God is important to you, then don’t even waste your time with an atheist or someone who does not share your religion. This is not an issue where there is any compromise (I dated not one, but two Muslims — what was I thinking?)
Money. How does he spend money? Does he have a lot of debt? Is he a spendthrift? Again, this is an issue where there is no room for compromise. You need to be on the same page on how you handle money. There is also nothing wrong with wanting a man who can support you and your children. I have several girlfriends who complain about having to work outside the home when they would rather stay home with their kids, but I don’t have a lot of sympathy: they knew what their husbands were like when they married.
What is his approach to child rearing? Does he even want kids? Believe him if he tells you he does not! My sister finally broke up with a guy she’d been dating for two years because she realized he was serious when he said he never wanted children. Do you guys share the same child-rearing philosophy?
Family. How does he treat his mother? Does he have a decent relationship with his parents? If not, is it because they are jerks? You will have to live with the in-laws probably, so how much are you willing to take if they cannot stand you? (I speak from experience on this one — Chris’ parents hate me because of my religious and political views. They also think I am a gold-digging cheapskate. No joke. But the important thing here, as much as I wish they liked me, is that Chris stands with me 100% against his parents.)
Chris and I do not share the same views on religion (he is way more liberal than I) or politics, but that mostly makes for interesting and loud conversations. We agree on our basic values. He makes me laugh, he takes care of me, he never bores me, and he is hot. 🙂
Stop looking, you do not find love, love finds you.For me, a sense of humor is very very important.
look for an spiritual fruit, Not a religious nut,
and yes, a love for dancing won’t hurt, but you can always dance with his and your friends.
Somebody who you would like, even if you didn’t love him
Nationality, race, Democrat, not important
Stay away from stupid ignorant people
Whoever gets you will be a very lucky guy!
What attracted me most to my hubby (going on 19 yrs) is that he was a family man. He is a good son, brother, uncle. I figured I couldn’t be with someone who would not potentially fall in love with my family too since they are a key part of my life. These naturally make him a good husband and dad too. Love finds you, and when it does you will know it. God has a plan for you, be patient and wise to recognize it when you see it.Good luck!
I had plenty of choices when it came to a wife… I even had one girl’s mother offer me her mother’s ring if I would propose to her daughter.In the end it came down to one thing… I didn’t feel right when Kimberly (my wife) was not around.
Don’t make a silly list or try and qualify potential candidates… go with your feelings.
Amy -Trust me, when you least expect it Love will show up. Maybe you already know your future husband, maybe he is a friend, maybe you havent met him yet… Whatever the case maybe, when the timing is right, it will fall into place.
Pero por si acaso, prende una velita. 😉
-Ibiza
Kikita,I agree with Michael about having a (strict)qualifying list to find your soul mate.
Along the lines of what Daisy stated, I believe that just like when we go shopping for something specific, we have the hardest time finding it, the same happens when we think too hard about finding “Mr. Right” …
I think that it’s very important to see how they treat others … because that will say a lot about the person he really is. Remember that he will be nice to you because he likes you, is trying to impress you, or loves you, but the way he treats others is very telling.
Religion is important in the sense that as a Christian, you would like to find someone who’s also a Christian … but remember that religion is man-made, thus imperfect … IMHO, the main thing is to find someone who’s spiritual and believes in God and lives a life guided with the right moral values … you don’t have to belong to a specific church to be a good “Christian” …
I do believe that family is important! When you marry someone, for better or worse, you marry their family too. In your case, you are blessed with a wonderful family and they are in integral part of your life!! . . . many of your activities involve family … when children come, it’s important to have healthy family ties … Remember that we can’t give what we don’t have … if your significant other does not know the joy of a wonderful family, he would have a hard time relating to your joy!
Kikita, there’s someone out there who’s just right for you … and again, relax a bit on the qualifications, and before you know … voila! You’ll know when Mr. Right is in front of you …
… the main thing is that if the match is “Made in Heaven” … you will find common grounds and you will each bring great things to the partnership, while remaining true to yourselves!
I Wish You Well:) Melek
“Happiness is like a cat. If you try to coax it or call it, it will avoid you. It will never come. But if you pay no attention to it and go about your business, you’ll find it rubbing up against your legs and jumping into your lap.” ~ William Bennett
I voted for James Roday (Rodriguez) because a sense of humor is a must! When health, age, and looks fall away you are left with the core person. That is why you need someone dedicated to the Lord, a person who values God’s priorities above his feelings and someone who has a great sense of humor! What drew me to Gene was his generosity (which my current guy didn’t have -wink-) and his sense of humor (which that same guy didn’t have). But we would have been divorced if the Lord didn’t come into our lives. To quote a favorite of mine….”someday your prince will come”! Love you!
A women’s therapist I interviewed years ago said women spend more time picking ripe melons than they do men. She also said that we pick men because they like us, versus because we like them…So true.Pick with your gut..and stick to the list. I can happen that you meet the guy who matches them all. You deserve that, bella.
Hi, Kikita,Don’t worry. As my mother used to tell me “casamiento y mortaja del cielo baja.” Ruth
The most awesome guys can be found at the “singles activities” of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Call the church up and get some info. These guys are brought up to respect women and are dating in a serious way to find someone they want to spend their life with. You are very pretty, and have talents and gifts you have yet to discover. Don’t be afraid, you will meet nice guys with high standards and family values, much like you have from your Cuban heritage. Be Prayerful about your search. You can receive inspiration if you ask in a humble way. Who you marry, is THE most important decision you will make!