My Big Fat Cuban Family: A Cuban-American Blog

21 Things I Know For Sure (with 37 years of experience)

Today I mark the 58th time the earth has gone around the sun with me on this planet. All that to say this: today's my birthday. My 58th birthday.

It seems I should have, at this point in my life, acquired some wisdom to share. Or I could just write down some random thoughts...

21 Things I Know For Sure About Myself:

1. People always respond best when I'm authentic.
2. I'm much better, smarter, funnier than my inner critic gives me credit for. (I wish she would just SHUT UP sometimes, but that's not important right now.)
3. I will never really enjoy broccoli, no matter how much cheese sauce is on it.
4. A fresh mani/pedi always makes me feel good.
5. No matter what I achieve in life, I'm a thousand times more proud of my kids' accomplishments.
6. Marrying well was the smartest thing I've ever done. (I love you, Eric Darby.)
7. I must have coffee. Every. Day.
8. I don't feel completely dressed unless I am wearing jewelry and lipstick. (Is that a Cuban thing?)
9. I'm fiercely proud of my Cuban heritage and my big, fat, Cuban family.
10. I appreciate my friends immensely.
11. The smell of sofrito (sauteed onions, bell pepper, and garlic) is the most welcoming smell there is.
12. If it's in my power to do something for you, I will.
13. I take pictures every day.
14. I cry at the same parts of the same movies every time. ("I'll take the ring to Mordor. Though I do not know the way..." ~Frodo Baggins)
15. I am always reading 3 or 4 books at a time.
16. It's hard for me to keep quiet sometimes. (Okay. A lot of the time. Shut up.)
17. When I look at young people, I try to imagine what they'll be like when they're old.
18. When I look at old people, I try to imagine them when they were young.
19. I'm super analytical.
20. I live by the following mantra: Food must be delicious.
21. I love social media & technology. I'm glad to be living in this age.

All those things are true about me and I suppose I could write another 37 to get up to 58. But I'm kind of lazy sometimes. Ooops. I guess that one didn't make the list...

Life Without Pretending

When I started writing over-sharing on this blog six years ago, I had made the decision that I didn't want to ever complain. (I follow that rule in my real life, too, but that's not important right now.)

I seriously have so much to be grateful for, and I swear I do lead a charmed life. But like everyone else, I go through a rough patch now and then. Many of those things I've chosen not to write about, but now I'm wondering if you (my readers) wouldn't benefit more from my honesty. Or at least a good explanation for why I have been writing intermittently...

When I wrote about my struggle with Fibromyalgia I was humbled by your tremendous response and how many of you identified with me. I'm so grateful. This has made me feel more brave in sharing what's happening right now.

A few weeks back, just as I was getting over the sinus/bronchitis/pneumonia thing, I got a pain that was not my usual just-a-stiff-neck-you've-been-sitting-on-your-c0mputer-much-too-long pain. The back of my neck went into a spasm and the pain and tingling radiated from my neck, down my shoulder to my arm and over to the front of my neck and face.

People, I'm pretty sure no one's face is supposed to tingle.

I was not happy. Not. Happy.

There was an emergency room visit and muscle relaxants prescribed and then an MRI.

Can I just tell you that the whole MRI business was one of the most profoundly unpleasant experiences of my life. This is the thing where you are strapped to a bed and slid into a tube and have to keep perfectly still while the magnetic resonance imaging happens. (If you can bring your own music and convince the technician that Celia Cruz really is much more soothing to you than the Pandora Easy Listening station, you'll do sooo much better.)

Even with Celia at my side, I'd really rather not have to do that ever again, thankyouverymuch.

But I did it. And the diagnosis is a bulging disk in my neck that is pinching a nerve that's causing the radiating pain. (I so wish I was not writing over-sharing about this, but that's not important right now, either.)

This bulgy-disk-pinched-nerve deal is affecting my life in so many ways. It's tough to sleep, which is already not my strong suit (see: the Fibromyalgia post). I have a constant ringing in my ears, which is making my hardness of hearing even harder. (Seriously, this is so embarrasing.)

I'm in physical therapy now and receiving treatment, but I'm not loving this season of my life. I feel weak and I feel vulnerable. And did I mention the weird tingly-face thing? But again, I've determined to live my life without pretending anymore, so there you have it.

In fact, I was tempted to stop blogging altogether, but something happened last week that made me change my mind. I'll write about that tomorrow.

So, here I am again. Sorry for the long break in my writing over-sharing, but I've been a bit out of sorts. But I'll get through this.

I found this quote and wrote it on the pantry chalkboard in the kitchen. I was inspired by it.

It says: "Expect problems...and eat them for breakfast." ~Alfred A. Montapert.

I like that.

Besides, with Celia's voice in my headphones, I found I can do anything.

Pa'lante y con fe.

"Cogelo con Takerisi"

Im so fussy.

I've pretty much been sick since the beginning of the year with an old-school-garden-variety-sneezy-sniffly cold that has just been more of a nuisance than anything else.
Well, it's made me feel a bit lazy, too, but that's not important right now.

Until last week.

That's when I somehow turned a corner and found myself deep in the fever-chills-deep-chest-rattling cough territory.

And my little blue tub of Vicks VapoRub (phonetically, in your best Cuban accent, "BI-BAH-POH-ROO") was not enough to ward off the evil eye of the sinus infection/bronchitis/pneumonia that descended on me quicker than you could say, "Ay, Dios mio."

It was time to bring in The Big Guns.

So I'm blogging today from my my comfy bed, wrapped in a cloud of Warm VapoRub Steam. (Yes, that's exactly as soothing as it sounds. Sadly, they're not sponsoring this post.)

If I follow doctor's orders and rest and take my meds and all that, I might be better after this next round of antibiotics. "Of course, I will, sir! Yes, sir!" *salutes*

So I won't be doing much cooking or baking or recipe testing. In fact, I may or may not be fantasizing a little about having a staff to cook and clean and serve and do all the everyday tasks that I'm feeling a bit too weak to tackle right now. A Kitchen Staff. Wow.
*indulges in fantasy for a moment*

All that to say that I'm on forced rest until further notice. I'm taking a few weeks (or maybe even the rest of February) off while I focus all my energy into getting well.

And catching up on all three seasons of Downton Abbey. (A well-mannered kitchen staff! With English accents! I know. Shut up.)

The Things I Didn't Blog About in 2012 - Fibromyalgia

I've never shared this with anyone but my very closest friends. I've been writing here at My Big, Fat, Cuban Family for 6 years and I have never even broached this topic, but that's not important right now.

I suffer from fibromyalgia. Which means I live in pretty much constant pain.

I don't talk about it because, well, frankly, who needs to have this information? And I really think complaining is a sin, but that's not important right now.

But I determined that I would be more honest this year and it is, after all, my space. So here it is.

It began shortly after my 40th birthday and the birth of my youngest son, Jonathan. My body started to react stupidly. My joints hurt more than usual. I forgot how to fall asleep and stay asleep. And things just got worse from there.

I have an abnormal reaction to pain. My feet hurt so badly I can barely walk some days. Exercise is hit and miss depending on my comfort level. I have to take some pretty intense meds to calm the pain so I can attempt to sleep at night, but they make me stupid and they cause me to swell. (Like we People of the Round Face don't have enough to deal with!)

I feel very depressed and desperate sometimes. When the fibro gets really bad, I spend the entire day trying to find relief. When I get stressed, all the symptoms get intensified and it feels like I've been run over by a truck.

Wearing high heels is agony. (This is the ultimate low for me as a Cuban woman. *sigh*)

To make matters worse, I can't take ibuprofen-type pain meds, which would probably help. I'm allergic. (Le sumba el mango, right?)

I hate it. I hate the life-defining aspect of it. I hate being weak. I hate the constant pain. I hate wondering how much pain my body will be in when I get invited places. The chronic fatigue makes getting out of bed difficult some days.

But I keep going and push through the pain. And I have a fantastic support system in my husband, Eric and my family and close friends. Because of them, I still maintain that I lead a charmed life.

I still make dinner for my family every night. I still care for my aging mom. I still paint sets and design costumes for my son's drama productions. I still host elaborate parties. I do my best to make sure that my husband and kids do not suffer just because I do. I still find time to scrapbook and create and document my life. And I still write about my extraordinarily ordinary life right here in this space.

Because of my bad days, I'm extra grateful for the good ones. Because of the pain, I'm more empathetic to those around me. Because of the sleepless nights, I take more time to pray.

I live in constant pain. But I live in constant gratitude. Which is where I begin when I sit down to blog. I'm grateful for so very much and I don't feel like I want to complain. Which is why I am always celebrating.

So, you see, for me, living with fibro is a curse. And a blessing.

Celebrating Every Day or My Week in Instagram

Most people start the new year with big plans and a "let's do this" attitude. And I do, too, mostly...

But this year started off with crazy. Here's how I documented my week via Instagram. (Photo sharing app for smart phones.)

Jonathan had his first semester performances the very first week, which meant we were at the theater pretty much every single day.

The cold, drafty, no-warmth-to-be-found-anywhere theater. It was at that point that I caught what started as a cold and is now settling nicely into an upper respiratory infection, but the show had to go on, thankyouverymuch.

Which is how I ended up with not just a little sniffle, but a full-blown, old-school, sneezing-coughing-my-head-is-about-to-burst cold.

In between rehearsals and shows I took as much downtime as possible.

And I was so grateful for my husband who made sure I started the days with protein. (And coffee, and my iPad, but that's not important right now.)

It was a wonderful cast and the kids put on a great performance (even if the theater was as cold as a meat locker).

We all went and supported Jon. He's quite entertaining, you see.

I was so grateful that Lucy was doing the lighting for the show so she was able to drive every day. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that we ate a lot of our meals in the car. Luckily we live in Southern California and there's an In N Out Burger practically on every corner. (Thank you, God.)

In between supporting Jonathan, we were supporting Adam's new Farmers Market venture: Pirate Pancakes. Lucy made the signs.

Adam made the pancakes.

So I pushed myself in spite of feeling so sick. There was one comfort in all this...

I have the long weekend to rest and get better and the Vicks VapoRub (Veeex Bah Poh Rooo) to help me recover.

You see? It is no bad thing to celebrate a simple life.

It says so on my wall.

When I'm not here on this blog, you can find My Big, Fat, Cuban Family on Facebook.

Or every day on Instagram documenting my daily life. I'm Smrtqbn.

Because over-sharing in just one place is just not enough for this Cubana. Happy Weekend, everyone!

 

The Best of MBFCF in 2012

I've been blogging here in this space for the past six years and a half years. That's a lot of life that has transpired and that I've documented here on my blog. A couple of years ago I started doing a recap in January of the year that had passed. Here are years, 2009, 2010, and 2011.

I like looking back to see where I've been and what stories I thought were worthy of telling the year before. It occurred to me that maybe not everyone who is reading today may have been here with me all year, so without further ado... here is a look back at 2012 with My big, fat, Cuban family.

1. Out with the Old (relatively speaking) #firstworldproblems in which I tell about my kitchen re-model and complain (just a little) about living through it.

2. This Woman Deserves a Party... in which I ask readers to send a birthday greeting to my mom, Luza on the occasion of her 98th birthday.

3. I Fell in Love With Loveless Buttermilk Biscuits (a true story) in which I share about my trip to Nashville, Tennessee and a killer recipe for Buttermilk Biscuits from the famed Loveless Cafe.

4. Always There in which I pay tribute to my long-suffering husband Eric who is, as the subject of the post implies, "always there" for us.

5. What Mom Taught Me in which my kids hijacked my blog and surprised me on Mother's Day. *tissue warning*

6. The Ring in which my son, Adam asks Stephanie to marry him and gives her my ring.

7. "What's for Dinner?" in which I tell all about how menu planning happens around here and how much I love my chalkboard pantry door (but that's not important right now).

8. Twenty Years in which Eric and I celebrate our 20th Wedding Anniversary and I recall just how scary it was to take those wedding vows.

9. In celebration of Hispanic Heritage Month, I began a series last year which I'm proud to continue called, "Cuando Sali de Cuba: Stories of Courage and Hope." *serious tissue warning*

10. Celebrating Six Years in the Blogosphere (MBFCF Giveaway WEEK!) in which I celebrate my 6th blogging anniversary with a week of fabulous giveaways. I was quite proud of three things: 1) That I have been blogging for six(!) years and 2) That I found some fabulously Cuban sponsors for the week of giveaways and 3) My faux magazine covers. (I know. Shut up.)

11. NaNoWriMo is ON! in which I tell about my kids and their attempt at writing the Great American Novel ... in 30 days.

12. Nochebuena in the O.C. (¡Oh, Sí!) in which I describe our Nochebuena Celebration in our (freakishly) small house with my big, fat, Cuban family.

That's my wrap up of 2012. We enjoyed lots of good times and some challenges. I managed to blog about most of this stuff although I confess I skipped some big stories in my life. I'm still happy that I have taken the time to document my life.

Going back and looking at my year in review just now made me realize what a lovely life I have. I'm grateful to God for the many ways He has gifted us.

And yes, I will use the word, "charmed."

Thank you all for hanging in there with me and my cyber-over-sharing. I'm looking forward to more celebrations, travel, family, and food in 2013. Stay tuned for the chismes...

Prospero Año Nuevo!

Bodies and Shadows - Getting to know Caravaggio at LACMA

I am often invited to see and experience so many interesting and fun exhibits and shows that are specific to my general geographic location. For those of you who are geographically challenged by Southern California (no judgement, since you don't really know our state), we live in Orange County (The O.C.) about an hour south of Los Angeles and an hour north of San Diego. (Another So Cal Fun Fact: We measure distances by approximate driving time, but that's not important right now.)

My friends at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art invited me to the opening of one of their latest exhibitions - Bodies and Shadows: Caravaggio and His Legacy. This exhibit can be viewed until February 10th, 2013.

I know. It looks like it says Caravaggio and his Leg. (I know. Shut up.)

An hour's drive north and I was treated to the beauty and striking realism of Caravaggio's portraits. I particularly loved the violent contrasts of light and darkness in his works and was amazed by his ability to express powerful emotions in the way he juxtaposed his subjects and "zoomed" in on the action. 

When you see this show, be sure to get the self-guided-tour device. It looks like a large iPhone and tells you the story behind each of his works. This is the BEST way to enjoy this beautiful exhibit.

The paintings evoked the feeling that you were right there, up close and personal.

St. Francis of Assisi in Ecstasy (circa 1595)

The subjects of his paintings were strikingly "human." Quite a feat to capture so much reality and emotion on canvas. I quite enjoyed the exhibit.

On a side note, one of the artists inspired by Caravaggio who was also included in this exhibit, was Georges de La Tour. His painting of The Magdalen with the Smoking Flame (circa 1638 - 1640) was one I had seen 30 years ago at the Louvre in Paris. The reason I remember it so well is because my sister, Alina, had fallen in love with it and bought the print. What a treat to turn the corner at LACMA and re-encounter an old "friend" at this beautiful exhibit.

I highly recommend Bodies and Shadows: Caravaggio and His Legacy. And I should also mention that currently on view at LACMA is a retrospective of director Stanley Kubrick's works until June 30, 2013. Go see it!

Thanks to LACMA for the invitation. It is certainly worth the one hour drive... in any direction.

For exhibit dates and times and more information for the Los Angeles County Museum of Art, please click here.

LACMA is also on Facebook. Go "Like" their page. It's a great way to stay on top of their coming exhibits and special events. You're welcome. ;-)

{Disclosure: LACMA provided entry to the museum so that I could review the exhibit. All opinions are my own.}

October 31st.

I've been saying from the beginning of this month that I was too tired to "do" Halloween this year.

I insisted that they were getting too old for this. (Notice I didn't say the "I" on that one? I know. Shut up.)

Let's just shut off all the lights and sit upstairs in the dark and watch movies and ignore the Tri-co-tri just this once, I said.

But as the end of the month got closer, they argued back to me that a Halloween Party is a"no-brainier" for us. That all the neighborhood kids will be disappointed if the Darbys don't step up. (Ouch!)

"It's your own fault, mom. You trained us."

It's early in the day on October 31st and Jonathan is covering our front yard in fake spider webs. Lucy is designing spooky lighting. This involves markers & old-school low-watt lightbulbs. They are nothing, if not resourceful.

Drinks are chilling. Bowls are full of candy. The house looks "cute-spooky" as opposed to "creepy-spooky." It only took one trip to the store and lots of willing hands.

Once they started putting in the work, I felt bad (this, of course, was part of their Evil Plan all along) and so now I've got tons of flap steak marinating for the steak sandwiches we'll be serving (at the party I wasn't going to be having). And, the chimichurri is always a crowd pleaser.

If you're in the neighborhood, please stop by. Our theme this year is "Guilt by Halloween."

Stay creative, my friends.

Everyone Should Have a Giant Chalkboard

Back at the beginning of the summer I had the opportunity to host a big birthday bash. It was a joint birthday party for my sister, Helen who would be turning 70 and my daughter, Amy Kikita who was going to be 29.

Because we entertain so often, we have tons of dishes and silverware and vases and cups and tablecloths and all the sorts of things to be found when entertaining is a high priority. When we decide to host a party, I assess my inventory, pull out my sketchbook and let the ideas flow.

I start by making the folowing lists:

• Guests
• Colors
• Menu
• Invitations
• Decorations

And then I start gathering ideas. By the way, this is why God invented Pinterest. I'm on there and you are welcome to follow me, but that's not important right now.

So there I was scouring Pinterest and getting inspiration and I noticed certain things that happen to be trending right now: 1) flags and 2) chalkboards. I got to the point where pretty much all I could think of was how I might incorporate flags and a chalkboard into the decorating. (You're mocking me, aren't you?) My daughter, Amy Kikita suggested that she might like black and white for a color scheme. I deferred to her because, well, it was her party, after all. Plus she suggested black. And you know what's black?

I made the decision not to sew. Mostly from a lazy standpoint because I didn't feel like hauling out my sewing machine (don't judge me). So I designed some patterned flags in Photoshop and printed them out on a color printer and attached them to twine and when I say "I," I mean Eric.

My husband is a pretty smart guy and he did the math and figured out how many flags we would need to cover all the surfaces I pointed out. He did the tedious work of measuring and attaching hundreds of flags to the twine and also hung them all through the house. And because my home is pretty colorful, I decided to use red as the accent color.

Which then gave me the theme: Black and White and Red All Over. (I thought it was kind of genius, but that's not important right now, either.)

Now that I had a theme to work with, the decorating was pretty simple. Black and white tablecloths, flags hung everywhere, and red roses on the tables. Simple, fun, and a little elegant, too. Win!

What's also black, you may ask? A Giant Chalkboard, that's what.

Lucy is taking theater production classes in college and knows how to build stuff.

Me: "Can you create a giant chalkboard?"

Lucy: "Yes, ma'am."  *Mom does happy dance*

(No, I was not exploiting her. I just figured she could use the practice. Shut up.)

Here's Lucy building walls with her power tools and giving Jon commands while my mom presides over the entire business.

So Lucy (with Jonathan's help) built a giant wall which she then primed and painted with chalkboard paint.

Ta-da! GIANT CHALKBOARD!

It was a pretty impressive set up, if I do say so myself. And now we had a GIANT CHALKBOARD! It made me crazy-happy.

When the guests arrived we had them go out to the GIANT CHALKBOARD for photos, which looked something like this...

And this...

And this...

How much fun is this, people??

We were sad that Adam couldn't be here because he lives so far away, but we included him anyway. ;-)

We fed our guests Cuban style Fricasé de Pollo. You can find that recipe here. And yes, that's a giant tray of maduros. (For the win.)

There was a ton of food, festive decorations, everyone was happy, and a good time was had by all.

Did I mention that we now owned a GIANT CHALKBOARD? 8 feet by 8 feet of Awesome.

What else could we possibly use it for? For me, the question was really, "What can't we use it for?"

*the mind reels*

Yay! Improv night!

And engagement party!

I am seriously in love with my GIANT CHALKBOARD.

And the flags? The beautiful black-and-white-and-red-all-over flags? Well, I left them up, too, for a few weeks because, well, I could. And they just made our everyday life pretty festive.

I love that my husband has just learned to roll with it. After 20 years he knows better than to argue about these things.

Because GIANT CHALKBOARD + decorative flags = a happy wife. Happy wife = Happy life.

I told you he was smart.

Island Girl

For as long as I can remember, summer meant finding a body of water to jump into to cool off. Simply stated, if it's hot and I see water, I want to jump in.

Maybe this desire comes from having been born on an island. Surrounded by pristine and inviting blue everywhere always made me want to be a part of the liquid beauty.

In Cuba, we spent our summers at Varadero Beach. The most perfectly perfect perfection of the beach experience anywhere. When we arrived in Miami in 1961, we used to go to Crandon Park ("El Charquito") where there were zero waves and so sometimes the water temperature would get into the 90's. Crazy, right?

Well, when I was 9, we moved to Southern California. There were many culture-shock moments moving from East to West coast, and the personality type of the Pacific Ocean offered one of the most shocking.

The Pacific Ocean, I quickly learned, was not the same as the Caribbean. Or for that matter, the Atlantic. For one thing, there was nothing "pacific" about it. There were waves. And when I say "waves," I mean WAVES.

There was an entire language dedicated to the description of the ocean activity. We learned to recognize when a "set" was coming in. We learned (after getting tumbled a few times) how to move toward the breaking waves instead of away from them to keep from getting pounded into the sand by the shore break. "Shore break" is a thing. Who knew?

There's an entire "surf science" based on high and low tides and there are optimal times to surf. Beach breaks are better at a medium tide - mostly early morning or early evening. Reef breaks will "close out" if the tide is too high. If you get caught in a rip tide that starts dragging you out to sea, you swim sideways, not toward shore.  See what I mean? So much to know. What a contrast between all of this and the yay-we're-at-the-beach-let's-go-swimming simplicity of the Caribbean and the Atlantic.

Also, in Cuba as well as in South Florida, ocean water is pretty much the same as bath water. You can walk right in with no shock to your system. The coolest the water gets there (please correct me if I'm wrong) is maybe the mid-80's. Still a very comfortable temp.

Ah, but in Southern California, the days of sea-water-the-same-as-bath-water were long gone. The water temperature here on the West Coast is routinely in the low to mid 60's. The cool water helps keep the coastal temperature refreshing, but surfing (which my people do routinely) or swimming usually requires a wetsuit.

There are lots of beach days where I don't do more than dip a toe in and complain about the cold water. And I miss being in the water. It's the only downside to life on this coast. (Well, that and our ridiculously liberal governor who is driving our economy into the ground and business out of the Golden State, but that's not important right now.)

However, these past couple of weeks there has been a heat wave here in So Cal. And mercifully the water temperature has risen along with the thermometer.

That's right. 74 degrees! Air and water temperature! And this coincided perfectly with our beach vacation. Thank you, God!

We spent our entire week splashing around, surfing, boogieing, and just cooling off in the ocean. Strangers were remarking to each other about how warm the water was. 74 degrees, people! Southern Californians headed to the shore in droves. We high fived each other over the awesome air/water conditions.

"The water is so incredibly warm!" We exclaimed to anyone who would listen.

I know. It's not Caribbean warm, but this island girl did not care. When the air and water are about the same (74!) temperature, magic happens. It was like this for the entire week we were vacationing at the beach. And there was no getting me out of the water.

Even when it was time to get out of the water.