My Big Fat Cuban Family: A Cuban-American Blog

Teaching Generosity?

As you know if you've been reading this blog for a while, we have homeschooled our kids. I often say that one of the reasons we have chosen to homeschool is that we're not as concerned about their academics as we are concerned about their character.

We have attempted to teach them kindness, thoughtfulness, hospitality, and generosity - high values for us - mostly by modeling them as best as we know how. Because, seriously, has anyone ever learned these kinds of things by being lectured?

During this time of year we love participating in Samaritan's Purse Operation Christmas Child in which we thoughtfully and lovingly fill up a shoe box with gifts for a child on the other side of the world. We pray for our small recipient as we do so. We look forward to this small act of charity every year.

We get to go and shop for little items to put into the shoeboxes. As we're shopping, we think about what would bring a child joy.

"These trucks, Mom. I would have liked them as an 8 year old. Very cool."

"Let's get this little doll with an extra outfit. I think she's very sweet."

"Crayons! Modeling clay! Watercolors! YES!"

Shoeboxes are collected at various churches all over the country and then packed and disbursed to different places to kids around the world. What's very cool about this is that we get to track our shoebox to see where it ends up

From the Samaritan's Purse Website:

National Collection Week: November 14 - 21

Use an empty shoe box (standard size, please) or a small plastic container. You can wrap the box (lid separately), but wrapping is not required. Most importantly, pray for the child who will receive your gift.

Determine whether your gift will be for a boy or a girl, and the child’s age category: 2-4, 5-9, or 10-14. Print out the appropriate boy/girl label by downloading the artwork to the right. Mark the correct age category on the label, and tape the label to the top of your box.

Fill the box with a variety of gifts that will bring delight to a child. 

Please donate $7 or more for each shoe box you prepare to help cover shipping and other project costs. You can give online by using our “Follow Your Box Donation” option, or you can write a check to Samaritan’s Purse (note “OCC” on memo line) and place it in an envelope on top of the gift items inside your box. If you or your family are preparing more than one shoe box, please make one combined donation.

Place a rubber band around each closed shoe box and drop off at the Collection Center nearest you during our collection week, November 14-21.

For locations and hours of collection visit our Drop-Off Locations page where you can find the nearest place to take your shoe box by entering your ZIP Code or you can call 1-800-353-5949.

You can also send your shoe box gift to:
Samaritan’s Purse
Operation Christmas Child
801 Bamboo Road
Boone, NC 28607

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Our kids have all grown up to be very generous people. I say this, not to brag but as a matter of record. Apparently the lessons were picked up somehow. My theory, then is correct. Character values are more "caught than taught."

Do you support any charities? Tell me.

{Disclaimer: Samaritan's Purse is a charity we believe in and support. I have not received any compensation from them to write this post. It's my privilege and pleasure to tell you about them.}

Back-to-(Home)School

Jonathan started his sophomore year of high school today.
The beauty of homeschooling is that we can "do school" anywhere that has WI-FI, amazing food....and tiny dinosaurs. ;-)

Happy First Day of School!

Exact change.

I've homeschooled my kids for years now. Ever since Lucy and Jonathan were both in elementary school.

Last semester they both went to the Cooler-Than-Thou Local Art School. But the days there were way too long for people who were used to having lots of time to do their own creative stuff and they both independently decided they wanted to come home again. (This, of course, made me deliriously happy, but that's not important right now.)

And so they did. Lucy came back to finish her senior year and Jonathan his freshman year. They came back so much more appreciative of what an alternative home education has provided them. Both of them plunged back in to their new (old) environment with lots of energy. Lucy especially.

Yesterday was graduation.

Commencement is already such an emotionally charged event. The graduates are excited. The parents are nostalgic. And for one brief and shining moment, your teenager can do no wrong. ;-)

Lucy was chosen to give one of the two speeches at graduation. She chose to do it in a "spoken word poetry" style (of course, she did). She didn't leave a dry eye in the house.

Please enjoy, "Exact change."

As she spoke I quietly wept in the dark auditorium. I had done my job well and this moment was my reward.

In this moment, Eric and I knew that our homeschooling "experiment" was a resounding success.

God speed, my girl.

Congratulations to all of the members of the Pacific Coast High School Class of 2011. You did it!

Here's the full transcript of Lucy's speech:

    Change. Exact change.

    Stepped onto the bus for the first time, handling the weighty stack of quarters my mother had given me the day before. The bus driver smiled not because I was new but because I was welcome. Light blue carpeted floor and walls that slid back and forth to create new rooms. It was smaller than I had expected but more spacious than any bus I had entered before. A subterranean hum of conversation played tag with the necessary silence.    

    Wide-eyed and comfortable as long as my lips remained pressed together, I spotted the older passengers, the ones who had been there for ages already, fidgeting because their stop was fast approaching. Absent-minded and exhausted, they offered me their charmingly sarcastic advice, ready to move on to their next adventure. My small hands were tempted to draw faces in the chill of the windows but I restrained myself because I felt too new.    

    I sat myself next to the girl who wrote poetry on her hands and drew pictures of dinosaurs on her guitar like the dozens who found their freedom and their passion as soon as they took their seats. She pulled me aside by the arm introduced me to Santa Claus, who wore a blue-buttoned shirt and ironed trousers. The tour guide described the economy of the English language while encouraging respect and responsibility, familiarity and friendship, patience... and enthusiasm. I once sat next to a boy whose hair was far too long and I played games with the actors. To them, everyday was Shakespeare and the evenings were his sonnets; our world was a small stage and all of us were merely players, constantly ad-libbing our lines. I paid appropriate wonder to the ones smarter than myself and nudged the quiet ones out of their corners, asking them who they were and why they chose this curious mode of transportation.   

    Three times on our journey we stopped, each time was as long and memorable as seventeen sand-coated summers. I admit we had our favorites, like the restaurant surrounded by palm trees which served only burgers or the two patriotic cafés. Different drivers took their turns and the familiar faces left the bus, quickly replaced by the wide-eyed expressions I once wore.    

    The hot days leaked through the glass and stained our clothing with the heat, inciting frustration and self-doubt. But even amid the gray sunrises when our breathing was visible and painful, we still took photographs and danced as we changed seats. The drivers who had chosen to take cars instead were struggling with maps, distractions, backseat drivers, and meetings they were always late for. The same destination; just a different way of getting there. Accused of becoming lonely, the term “socialization” was thrown at the windows often.   

    By the time I knew everyone as well as they’d allow me, we were sitting near the front of the bus. We knew where we were headed and which stop was ours. The new visitors shuffled towards the back, warily observing the rest of our eccentric, chatty, absurdly lovable and thoroughly modern family. When our drivers questioned us about the trip, we wrote on colored post-it notes and decorated the windows. We had learned how to be honest with ourselves and we learned how to ask for help with our baggage.    

    As we finally step off the bus, in tasseled caps and ill-fitting robes, we may stumble over to the ones who have been there our entire lives. We are able to raise our heads, look them straight in the eyes and thank them. Even though we’re older and a bit worn, almost too exhausted for expressions, we manage to turn and smile at the bus drivers as they each offer a large wave goodbye. On a Wednesday afternoon, in the year 2011, we’ll remember that these drivers got us where we needed to be when we needed to be there which happened to be every Friday before 3 o’clock. But I implore you to recall that the ones standing outside paid for our fare and were always waiting for us to get home safely at the end of the day. After some tearful goodbyes and hugs that aren’t tight enough, you will board your next bus, heading towards somewhere only God knows. And wherever you may be going, please remember that you got to be where you are today because of change. Exact change.

Thank you.

Gleeks in Training

Lucy is a senior in high school this year. We've been talking about college options for a while now. But our conversations began in earnest at the beginning of this year. She's already taken a few courses at the community college level, but what did she want to do? Where would she be interested in going? What schools best provided what she wanted?

The questions were coming fast and furiously.

Obviously, because we homeschool, we're very proactive about our kids' education. So together we began our research.

Lucy's high school experience to date has been through the Orange County Department of Education. The high school provides online classes and supportive classroom instruction as well as varied programs and clubs that meet on campus.

They have a yearbook (which she worked on last year) and they host a prom each year. There is a wonderful full drama program, which we've enjoyed immensely.

But now both Lucy and Jonathan began to want more.

As much as I love homeschooling and as much as I think people who have the temperament for it should do it, I am not "militant" about homeschooling.

Like I've said before, my highest goal has always been to raise decent human beings who have "learned how to learn." Homeschooling has been one of the richest, most rewarding experiences of my life. It's been the best educational choice for our family.

So, what to do with homeschooled kids who are curious and talented and ambitious?

In January both of them applied to the Orange County High School of the Arts. (OCHSA - pronounced "OH-SHA").  Think "Fame" but without the hoodlums. =D

Their best friends (and beloved neighbors) also put in their applications.

From January to March there was a lot of waiting and fretting and hand-wringing while we waited to hear back from the school about audition dates.

Beginning of March ALL FOUR OF THEM (!) received auditions for their respective conservatories.

Final decisions were made and letters of acceptance received in May. Again, ALL FOUR OF THEM got accepted. (A lot of happy dancing ensued, as you can imagine, but that's not important right now.)

Lucy, Jon, Tessia & Tori waiting for the train on the first day of school.

I've homeschooled both Lucy and Jonathan for most of their formative school years. (Read about our homeschooling exploits here.) And while I was happy for them and so proud, I went through a weird sort of grieving.

I just realized that I had worked myself out of my own job. But, I think this was a very good thing. ;-)

As of this week, Lucy is commencing her senior year of high school and Jonathan is a freshman at the Orange County High School of the Arts. (<--I can't believe I just wrote that. I know. Shut up.)

They get to take the train to school each day, along with their best friends, and take creative classes. They are out-of-their-skin excited. (Eric and I are out-of-our-skin proud.)

[Fun Fact: Famous OCHSA alum, Matthew Morrison plays Will Schuester on the hit tv show, Glee.]

So, I'm technically very happily "unemployed" now.

As we went through the new student orientation on the campus, I giddily kept hearing Irene Cara singing "Fame" in a loop in my head. All the kids were so happy to be there. They had worked hard for admission and were excited to start school.

To my everlasting delight, one of the veteran parents actually said to me, "You should come down at lunch sometime. It's like 'Fame' but without the drugs and the dancing on the cars."

What am I going to do with myself? Well, for now, I've suddenly become a "Lady who lunches." This pleases me.

As for Lucy and Jonathan Darby....all I'm saying is.... remember their names. ;-)

 

Guest Contributor - that makes me sound taller, right? ;-)

Like I mentioned in an earlier post, I sometimes find myself in various corners of the world-wide-web.

Today I have the distinct pleasure of being a Guest Contributor (<--doesn't that make me sound taller?) over at the wonderful Mommy Maestra site.

Monica is doing a phenomenal job of not only homeschooling her own children bilingually, (I know! Get this woman a cowl and a cape!) but also of sharing her many homeschooling resources.

I tell (in great detail) all about our own Homeschooling Journey, which you've gotten bits and pieces of right here.

Go check out Monica's site. I promise you'll be impressed. Tell her Marta sent you. Better yet, tell her in Spanish. ;-)

Homeschool lesson #247 - How to Promenade in style

Lucy was in 4th grade and Jonathan was in 1st when I started homeschooling them.

Believe it or not, even back then, when people found out we were homeschooling them and that we intended to do so for as long as necessary, some would very sincerely ask:

"What about prom?"

Yes. They did. I don't think it ever crossed any of the nay-sayers minds that perhaps my children would grow up more secure and comfortable in their own skin by not having to negotiate the battlefield of what currently passes for public school education.

I think back to my own high school years and I remember the proms I attended. I remember being scared and excited and yet, feeling incredibly awkward. I had never dressed up in a formal gown. I had never been given a corsage or had pinned on a boutonniere. (Nobody teaches you this stuff, do they?)

I look back at my prom photos today and I see myself in satin formal wear and gloves (gloves!) and I think, "Wow, we both look supremely uncomfortable."

Me & my date, Terry B. - (I had never seen an orchid up close and personal before this moment.) May 1971.

In the formal portrait we are positioned in the classic pose that I'm pretty sure is called: "Awkward Prom Pose #1.  (You want him to put his hands where?? No. I obviously wasn't breathing here and to top it off, I forgot my gloves. I had gloves, people!)

But going back to the original well-meaning question: "What about prom?"

How were my poor homeschooled kids (which I was already so obviously depriving of a normal life and education) going to be able to function in the "real" world, and how would they be able to survive in that world if I kept them from experiencing the joys of promenading in formal attire?

Well, for those of you that may be worried about the socialization of my children and how that would play out if they didn't get to go to prom, you can rest easy. The independent learning high school that Lucy attends sponsors a prom each year. (You may now breath a collective sigh of relief.)

• It's a lovely event held at the Disneyland Hotel. (Win!)
• I didn't make her wear gloves (gloves!) like my mother made me back in 1971, so her wrist corsage was easier to put on.
• And yes, I taught her how to pin on the boutonniere. (Hello...Homeschooling Mom! I teach stuff! =D)

 

Lucy looked lovely. Her not-boyfriend (He's a boy. He's her friend. He's not her boyfriend. Shut up.), Matt (who was also homeschooled, but that's not important right now) looked extremely dapper in his tux.

She wore her favorite footwear and, unlike many of the other girls who got brand-new-trendy-yet-painful-prom shoes and had already taken them off before the dance began, she was comfortable in her shoes the entire night. (Win!)

 

I'm glad she got to go to prom. Not because I believe in the sacredness of the ritual, but because I love so much that both of them had such fun together and were obviously so very much at ease.

Let me turn your attention to Exhibit A:

"Those kids look so relaxed together and they're wearing fake mustaches. EPIC WIN!"

And that, my friends, explains the difference between promenading as an awkward teenager and promenading as a secure teenager with someone who is a good friend. These two are are obviously very comfortable in their own skins.

I'm pleased.

(But now I'm thinking she might have liked some gloves. =D)

Today's lesson in homeschooling is complete. ;-)

You can't stop the beat...

So, if you're a regular reader, you know that my kids are all theater geeks. And I know I'm the mom and everything, but they really are pretty good. (No. Really. They are.)

Can I just tell you how much I love to sit in the audience and applaud them? Because I get to see all of their hard work to get to that moment when they're on stage and going for the laugh. And I'm always holding my breath and crossing my fingers hoping they get it.

It's not just the performance that makes me happy, it's when I see them doing something fearlessly. Like Eric often says, "I could never have done that at that age....or even now!"

Jonathan was in a Broadway-type review for this year's play. There were 24 kids in 18 numbers and I managed to costume them all (with a little help from my friends - actually with A LOT of help from my friends, but that's not important right now).

Jon was in a few of the numbers, but this last one pretty much brought the house down. He didn't quite remember the choreography, but it didn't much matter. When he came on stage, you couldn't take your eyes off him.(Possibly because he was wearing a sparkly red gown....)

I love that he was completely fearless and comfortable enough in his own skin to pull this off.

So here's Jonathan, my 14 year old son, playing Edna Turnblad (the John Travolta character) in Hairspray.

WARNING: Put down whatever you're drinking, or it may just come out your nose. ;-)

Drama is My Life.

"You haven't been blogging very much lately."

The criticism is accurate.

I figured out that even though I do a lot, I can't do everything. (But I'm still doing a lot!)

So, besides cooking and laundry and educating my kids and doing life, what else is going on?

Well, Jonathan and Lucy are both in Drama Productions, so I can say with complete certainty that right now:

Drama is My Life. =D

The show Jon is in is called Give My Regards to Broadway and includes a cast of 24 in 18 numbers. And I'm in charge of costumes for them all. Do the math. That's like 400 costume changes.

 

Lucky for me, I'm just overseeing this madness, and not really having to sew much. I have a crack team of Costume Helpers Goddesses who are making adjustments and fitting these beautiful pieces to each kid.

 

Not to mention my Embellishers. (Hey, that works on multiple levels!)

 

My job is to oversea this craziness and make sure those young thespians look wonderful. (All I need is a tiara and a scepter.)

So, if you're wondering where I've been....

You can find me somewhere between the band uniforms...

 

and the fake beards....

 

Right in the center of it all with a big grin on my face. =D

Who's Who?

The other day, Eric (my husband) and Jonathan (my 14 year old) were going to our local YMCA to go play racquetball. (P.E. in our homeschool usually means a trip to the Y, but that's not important right now.)

They came downstairs and got their racquets. I was aware of their presence, but was into what I was reading, so I just caught a glimpse of Eric (or so I thought) out of the corner of my eye and proceeded to ask him to remember to pick up something for me after they finished their game.

As is usual for anyone when there is an intimate and casual familiarity with someone, I didn't even bother to glance up from my book when I spoke to him.

And then.....

"Umm...Mom?"

It was Jonathan. Not Eric. HUH??

Before you judge me for not realizing it was my teenage son and not my husband, please allow me to present Exhibit A:

See?

So let's hear your best guesses....Who's who? ;-)

Nature and Nurture

I homeschool my kids.

Lucy is now 16 and a junior in high school. Jonathan just turned 14 and is in 8th grade.

We've been at this wonderful, terrifying, exasperating, delicious experiment for the past 8 years and in retrospect, I don't, for even a moment, regret our decision to take on this mighty task.

Lucy was in the 3rd grade in our local (highly rated) public school.

Jonathan was in Kindergarten.

Jon, my easy-as-pie, roll-with-the-punches kid, HATED Kindergarten. I wondered how that could be possible. Isn't Kindergarten supposed to be a beautiful world of finger-painting and growing bean sprouts and art and taking care of the class mascot rat and playing chase with your friends?

So I started volunteering in Jonathan's Kindergarten class one day a week. And I found that there was a big academic push in Kindergarten. To learn to read and do math and PRODUCE RESULTS. (I started to hate going to Kindergarten myself.)

Lucy had already tested in the gifted category. I think that just meant that she could already read well and understand what she was reading. She was a pretty articulate child. But what did "gifted" mean?

In this particular (did I mention it was highly rated?) public school, it meant they gave her individual busy work and sat the class behavior-problem next to my sweet and quiet girl. The expectation being that she would get her work done and be a calming influence on the resident classroom devil-child.

Needless to say, Lucy started to dread going to school.

What was happening here? Kindergarten through 6th was supposed to be the most fun time of anyone's life! Not so in our little world. I had homeschooled Amy and Adam for a couple of their elementary years, so I knew I could certainly homeschool these two. But did I want to?

Towards the end of that particular year, we made the decision to bring them home and commence their education here. Childhood goes by so fast. Did we really want them to suffer through it? As you can guess, the answer was a resounding 'NO!'

I researched all of our options and read everything I could find on the subject of homeschooling. We didn't make the decision quickly or flippantly. And yet, when we brought our kids home, we got nothing but grief from friends and family.

Somehow, they figured we were depriving our kids of a major social experience. They would ask the ridiculous, "What about socialization?" question.

"Socialization" is not, as most people believe, providing our kids with a social life. It's giving them the skills that will help them function in most areas of life and with all kinds of different people. We realized early on that a classroom full of peers was not the place we wanted for them to be learning how to behave. 

So we brought them home. And we RELAXED.

We did not try to recreate a classroom situation at home.

We read lots of books and did art projects and talked about lots of things. We (Eric and I) didn't really teach, so much as facilitate. We didn't try to pour information into their heads for them to regurgitate on a test. We taught them to love to discover and learn. This was the great success of this social experiment.

Jonathan and Lucy. May 2009. Federal Hall, Wall Street, New York.

Last year, we had this mini-drama play out just outside our front door. (It applies, I promise.)

Just outside our front door, under our eaves, we noticed a pair of birds building a nest. We were privileged to be a part of the process from when they first started to scope out the location...

 

To when they actually built the nest. The mom was committed and would spend hours covering those fragile eggs.

 

The dad would go get food and pace nervously near the nest to ensure there were no predators nearby.

 

One morning, like magic, we heard a new sound from the eaves. The babies had hatched and were making feed us! noises.

We were delighted to watch the drama unfold. (As were other members of our family.) =D

We began looking forward to the times of the day when we would hear the noisy kids demanding to be fed, the parents dutifully providing for them, and then they would go quiet for a while. It was a fascinating process.

Weeks of this went by and then one day we noticed that the mom had booted one of the babies from the nest. They were getting big and strong. And were crowding themselves out.

She no longer had to feed them. They could survive on their own. They had outgrown the nest and were standing on the edge, ready for flight.

 

And so it was. They flew away. We felt a kind of joyful sorrow. "Good for you!" we thought. "We knew you could do it on your own."

So we provided a feeder in the garden.

And they kept coming back. With friends.

 

It seems that the early protection and nurture had served them well to socialize with the rest of the birds in the "real" world.

We're finding that the same has been true for our kids. I don't fret as much anymore about whether Our Great Homeschooling Experiment has worked. I know it did.

They have grown into lovely people, with good morals and standards. They love to learn and are interested in many things. They are smart. Book-smart and socially-smart. They're curious and are constantly learning. And they can look you straight in the eye when having a conversation.

When I see them interact with others (which is often - they have lots of friends), I see confident, self-possessed people. ("What about socialization?)

Let's see the (highly rated!) public school system duplicate those results.