My Big Fat Cuban Family: A Cuban-American Blog

Out with the Old (relatively speaking) #firstworldproblems

Picture, if you will, the following chaotic scene:

I'm delighted to report that my kitchen appliances were delivered a few days ago. The refrigerator, stove, dishwasher, and microwave all match. (What?) This is a first for me in my lifetime. And I'm very happy, but I'm still not quite sure how to act.

However, I couldn't stall the delivery of them for another week, which meant the painting happened just a few hours (!) later. So that was our weekend. Moving stuff out of the kitchen and piling it into boxes and storing everything in the dining room.

WARNING: Real life photos of the mess we've been living in. Don't say I didn't warn you.

The stove needs a special installation because our house is so old that the old gas valve didn't speak the same language as the new stove and so I am without a way to cook, and just to make things more interesting, the stove is sitting smack dab in the middle of the kitchen. (So high is my stress level that I just used the phrase, "smack dab.")

My old appliances were happily being hauled away at about the same time.

While all this was happening, the painter was in the midst of turning my kitchen a beautiful seafoam green.

And because of all the traffic and painting, the floor ended up needing a serious deep-cleaning. (Many thanks to Eric and Jonathan and their trusty toothbrushes. Love my guys.)

So we're in the throes of packing stuff and moving and painting and cleaning and avoiding the walls because of the fresh paint, when, in the middle of all the crazy, I remember that it's my weekend to have my mom and I'm late picking her up, so I drop everything and haul over to her house to bring her back with me and this is what happens next...

Here's Luza in her mink coat, sunglasses, and walker. She strolls (or "rolls" if you want to get technical) into our home and declares,

"What a mess!" (To anyone not familiar with the Cuban culture, Cuban grandmothers are allowed to say pretty much whatever is on their minds at any time, and nobody even thinks twice about it.)

"I died my hair red. Do you like it?" (For those not familiar with my mother, she will be 98 next month and this moment pretty much sums up her entire personality.)

She then sat down right in the middle of all the chaos and started commenting* on the painting, the cleaning, and the entire mess.(*commenting is Cuban code for "criticizing every detail," but that's not important right now.)

What I learned from this experience:

1. My family is pretty amazing.
2. I love seafoam green walls.
3. My mother is a piece of work.
4. They don't have support groups for Adult Children of Cuban Mothers. (Just trust me on this one.)

The Best of MBFCF in 2011

It's that time of year when I look back and see what has transpired in my life this past year. And it's moments like this when I realize how grateful I am that I started blogging.

Here's a time capsule look back at 2011 - MBFCF style. I also did this for 2010 and 2009 and I'm so glad I did. It's quite a compilation of stories I've got going on here. Do I sound surprised? The truth is, I sort of am.

If you're a regular reader, I thank you for hanging out here and keeping up with the "relajo" that is my online life here at MBFCF.

If you just recently joined the party, the following posts will give you a glimpse of what life is like here in my cyber-world as I walk you through my favorite posts over the last year. Welcome!

And if you'd like to connect with me on Facebook, please go "like" My Big, Fat, Cuban Family there.

Without further ado....here's the best of MBFCF for 2011. (NOT 2012! Not yet, anyway...)

1. An Historical Day - In which I celebrate my sweet Desi Arnaz Jr.'s birthday. *sigh*

2. On a clear day, you can see Havana - In which I tell about my Dad's amazingness as a storyteller on what would have been his 100th birthday.

3. El Bix - A Cuban cure for all that ails you - In which I celebrate the magical properties of Vicks VapoRub.

4. For the love of guava.... - In which I discover (thanks to a dozen or so online friends) the amazingness of Conchita GuavaBites!

5. The Hawk Walk - in which my three men have a wonderful adventure together involving a hawk named Mariposa.

6. Always Right - in which my kids hijack my blog on Mother's Day which leaves me in a puddle of tears.

7. N-E-S-T-L-E-S ... A Giveaway - in which I get to bake in the Nestlé Kitchens and was out-of-my-mind excited to be making REAL Nestlé Tollhouse Cookies in the Nestlé Kitchens. I know. Shut up.

8. It's a Small (Cuban) World, After All - in which my daughter, Amy Kikita and I inadvertently meet up with some long lost relatives.

9. How to make Cuban coffee with KILLER espuma. You're welcome. - In which my daughter, Amy Kikita reveals her secrets to making espresso.

10. Cooking with the Troops or Meet Team Cubanaso - the absolute highlight of my year, in which my big, fat, Cuban family and I  fly to Texas and get to make a Cuban Nochebuena-style lunch for 300 wounded warriors and their families.

11. Fricase de Pollo - a lo Cubano - in which I continue my quest to share my love of all Cuban food.

12. Cuando Sali de Cuba - stories of courage and hope - A series I began for Hispanic Heritage Month (Cuban Style) in which ordinary people show extraordinary courage as they began new lives here in the U.S. I'm quite proud of this. And by the way, if you have a "coming to America from Cuba" story to share, please email me.

It's funny, but I sometimes wonder if anyone is reading my blog (statistics tell me you are, but that's not important right now) and if anyone cares about the silly things I write about. But there is one thing I know for sure and that is that I'm so happy that I've documented all of these stories, both mine and yours, and all of the happenings of this past year (technically, years - I've been blogging for 5 - count 'em!- years now).

MBFCF has become my personal legacy, and of that I'm quite proud. (Get the sandpaper! Pa' darme lija!)

Happy New Year!

The Dark Christmas Tree

It's December the 24th and my Christmas tree is finally up. But there are no ornaments on it.

My friends tease me because I don't like to decorate my home for Christmas very early in the month of December. In the Christmases of my youth, we would always wait until Christmas eve to decorate the tree. There's nothing like feeling the season when you're hanging ornaments, listening to carols, sipping creme de vie and smelling the intoxicating smell of the pork roasting all day in all of the garlicky goodness that is our Cuban Nochebuena.

So I like to wait. It's not that I don't love Christmas. I totally do. I love everything about it. 

And it's not like I haven't been busy. I finished all my shopping by the first week of December (thank you, Cyber Monday). 

We (by "we," I mean Lucy) have made vats of creme de vie. It's all been bottled and tagged and delivered to our friends. This includes my dearest Desi Arnaz Jr. (see photo below). *sigh*

(I'm kind of in love with my tags this year, but that's not important right now.)

This past week I have been busy hanging our Christmas stockings, by the chimney with care, of course. ;-)

I have already given my girls their traditional matching Christmas PJs.

This week I also stocked my hutch with my favorite Christmas dishes.

We (again, by "we," I mean Lucy) have made countless Peanut Butter Kiss Cookies. (That also means we have eaten countless Peanut Butter Kiss Cookies, but that's not important right now.)

I edited and packaged our annual Christmas video and a family keepsake photo album of the highlights of everyone's year. They are all wrapped, tagged, and ready to give to the rest of the family tonight at our annual Nochebuena celebration.

The kids made our annual run to Porto's already this morning. (25 tamales, 25 croquetas de jamón, 25 pastelitos de guayaba, 25 pastelitos de coco, 25 pastelitos de guayaba y queso, 4 loaves of Cuban bread, a dozen papas rellenas, and some steak sandwiches to get us through the day. =D)

But it's already noon on Christmas Eve, and my Christmas tree is still not decorated. And I'm okay with that.

Let me explain. My son, Adam, just got home today. Happily, he'll be with us for the rest of the week. He arrived on the o-dark-hundred flight from San Francisco and barely slept last night. He's here and napping now.

He was so looking forward to coming home for Christmas and he wouldn't be putting up a Christmas tree in his world. And so, I am completely content to wait with that dark tree in my living room.

When Adam wakes up from his nap, we will hang the ornaments, listen to Christmas Carols, sip some creme de vie, and enjoy the intoxicating smell of the garlicky goodness that is our Cuban Nochebuena.

I'll be reminded of the Christmases of my childhood and we will have made a memory. Isn't that what Christmas is all about?

Feliz Navidad, my friends!

12 Days of Cucufate

Every year at Christmastime, I make it a point to find a really fun live show to enjoy with my girls. It's one of our favorite traditions and it has become kind of a big thing.

We start searching for shows and tickets early in the fall. And we fret and argue and try to choose a really fun show. This is what happened the year when Amy Kikita didn't believe she would enjoy the show I chose.

This year we were out-of-our skin delighted to find that our very favorite A capella group, Straight No Chaser was going to be in town. (Well, technically they were going to be playing in San Diego, and even if it's not in our area code it was on our coast, but that's not important right now.)

So we traveled down to San Diego to the Balboa Theater and were treated to the most wonderful evening of amazing music. They are super talented and hilarious.

This is a photo the guys took from the stage and posted on their Facebook wall and asked the audience to tag themselves. Isn't that genius? (You should totally go like them on Facebook.)

After the show they stayed to sign autographs and meet the audience. As if we didn't love them enough before....

We shook their hands and loved on them and they signed our CD and we were happy delirious.

And we listened to their Christmas CD all the way home.

Inspired by their awesomeness, and playing their Holiday Spirits Christmas CD non-stop, I chose their incredible version of The 12 Days of Christmas for the opening of our family Christmas video. 

The pictures I used were ones we took last year in our Nochebuena Photobooth. The word, "Cucufate" means a total screw up. Hence our name, Cucufate Pictures. ;-)

We will show the video on Saturday night at our annual Nochebuena Celebration. Here's a sneak peak....

Watch. And love.

Feliz Navidad to you all!

The Great Christmas Card Challenge of 2011

I love the tradition of exchanging Christmas cards. I don't know if my parents ever sent out Christmas greetings, but I remember being 18 years old and buying my first pack of Christmas cards. My family had just moved to Orange County from the Los Angeles area where I had left all of my old friends. 

It was 1973 and I was still regularly communicating with them via U.S. mail. So sending Christmas greetings seemed to be a very natural thing.

In 1976 my local one-hour photo booth started offering Photo Holiday Greetings. I jumped on that one immediately and have never missed a year. I, personally, love getting Photo Christmas cards. I love seeing friends change from year to year. I love watching their families grow and their kids change. I save each and every one in that year's Christmas album. 

This year, I was looking for a photo to use for our card. I take thousands of photos so that shouldn't be too difficult. Except for the fact that I wanted something with all 6 of us in it. And Adam lives somewhere at the top of California, 12 hours away. What to do?

I found a photo of all 6 of us from Lucy's graduation which I kind of adored. 

I was happy with how we all looked and I thought our personalities totally showed through and as you can see, we were all in it. But Lucy vetoed it because she has since cut her hair short and that photo was "sooo last year." (Technically, it was this year, and she's actually talking about the school year calendar, but that's not important right now.)

I also really love this one from when Adam came down to visit on Easter. How cute are we?

But again, Lucy and the short hair thing. I have no photos of the six of us together and Lucy's short hair. What to do?

I had to design my own, of course.

Hey, I'm Cuban. I'm all about "resolviendo.*"  (*that's the Cuban way to say "improvising.") 

Merry Christmas from the Darbys! 

Operation Pedro Pan. It's been 50 years and the pain is still present.

When I mention to someone that I've just met that I'm Cuban, the first thing they do is recall the only other Cuban person they've ever met. Then next thing that happens is that they ask me if I know them. 

Most of the time I don't, but being Cuban, we do manage to find connections in the oddest places. See this story.

Just as often, I meet someone whose only exposure to Cubans was that they remember "a Cuban kid came to live with a local family in the early 60's." 

What they're unknowingly referring to is Operation Pedro Pan. During the early days of the Cuban Revolution that destoyed so many lives, parents desperate to save their children from the communist takeover sent them unaccompanied to the U.S. 

This heartbreaking chapter in our exile story is not very well known outside of Cuban circles. There were 14,048 unaccompanied minors placed on airplanes, some never reuniting with their families. 

My brother was one of the lucky ones. He was 15 and it was the day after Christmas 1960 when he was sent to the U.S. on the very first Pedro Pan flight. He was taken in, along with dozens of Cuban kids by Father (later Monsignor) Bryan O.Walsh until our family was reunited a few months later.

This rememberance card was given to my brother by Msgr. Walsh during his stay at St. Raphael Hall.

This weekend members of Operation Pedro Pan Group will mark the 50th anniversary of the airlift that brought 14,000 unaccompanied minors from Cuba to the U.S. with a Mass of thanksgiving on Sunday, Nov. 20, at 3 p.m. at Immaculata-La Salle High School in Miami. 

The Mass will be celebrated by Archbishop Thomas Wenski and will be followed by the dedication of the original La Salle building in honor of Msgr. Bryan Walsh, the Catholic priest whom the Pedro Pans consider their “foster father.” The building will be renamed the Msgr. Bryan O. Walsh Humanities Pavillion. 

The Mass and rededication ceremony will come at the conclusion of three days of Pedro Pan-related activities, Nov. 18-20. On Friday, Nov. 18, Archbishop Wenski will kick off a day-long conference on “Pedro Pan: A 50-Year Perspective,” with a reflection on the legacy of Msgr. Walsh.

Neither my brother, nor my mom ever talk much about this painful drama in our family life. I, personally, can't imagine the agony of separation from my kids in this way. My guess is that members of this particular group would find it difficult to relate to others unless they, too, experienced the same pain. 

Today, my mom (97) says she mostly remembers the relief and the gratitude. But even after 50 years, the look in her eyes says she feels the pain accutely. 

Are any of you Pedro Pans? Will you share?

It goes both ways.

The weekend is over and it's Sunday night. 

My sisters and I have hired a lovely Mexican gal to live in with my 97 year old mom during the week and she takes weekends off at which time we take turns hosting Luza from Friday to Sunday. Now that she's 97 it's getting more complicated to pack her up and take her for a weekend, but still she looks forward to the mini-vacations spent with each of our families. 

Luza has been with us since Friday afternoon and she's ready to get back to her regular routine. We are both happy to be returning to the rhythm of our lives. 

As we arrive at her little home, we are greeted by a riot of reds and pinks and whites. Her "Abuela Garden."

Each rose bush was a gift from a different grandchild. As we slowly make our way up to the front door, she names each one and talks about them.

"Albertico's is my favorite. It only has a few petals but they're perfect."

"Isn't Adam's beautiful? It's called El Toro. Look how tight and round the petals are. I think it's my favorite."

"Lucy's is the only white one. I love how it climbs high and blooms above the others."

"Rafa's in the American Beauty. I love how each flower is identical."

"Amy's is the two-tone one because she's the Gemini. Isn't it beautiful?"

And so she goes on about each rosebush and each grandchild in turn. Each rosebush/grandchild she proclaims to be beautiful. Perfect. Her favorite. She pays tribute to each one of them as she walks by and names them by name.

She names their names and proclaims how much she loves them. The roses? Or the grandchildren? Sometimes that line is blurred. But she repeats this litany every time I take her home. Every. Single. Time.

It's fitting, I think. 

The roses were meant to pay tribute to her. It obviously goes both ways.

Classic.

My dad and most of the Verdés side of the family grew up playing multiple instruments. He loved, loved, loved any kind of music, but was an afficionado of classical and played both the piano and the cello.

As much as I love my salsa music, oldies, and classic rock, I love listening to classical when I'm working on an art project. I think it soothes the nerves and helps me relax enough to tap into my right-brain creative self.

So you can imagine my delight when I received an invitation to visit the Walt Disney Concert Hall in Los Angeles to hear the LA Philharmonic (that's the LA Phil to us cool people) perform Mendelssohn's Mystical Landscapes. This concert is part of their Toyota Symphonies for Youth series at the hall.

The LA Phil advertises this family-friendly series as one that makes symphonic music come alive for kids.

From the LA Phil website:

When the young Felix Mendelssohn sets out on his first adventure to Scotland, his beloved sister Fanny is heartbroken that she has to stay home. Fanny breathlessly awaits Felix's letters, which sometimes include lines of new music. And through his music -- inspired by crumbling castles, lively bagpipes, violent ocean waves, and the enchanted Fingal's Cave -- Fanny is transported to her brother's side. If we really listen, we get to go to these mystical lands, too.

The ultimate family event, combining fun and fantasy, makes the LA Phil part of your child’s wonderful world. Led by the LA Phil’s Dudamel Conducting Fellows and directed by theater artists, this series of captivating orchestral concerts will give your children (ages 5-11) the opportunity to create memories they’ll never forget.

My "youths" are 15 and 18, but they were completely delighted (as I was) with the entire program.

Before the concert there were art, dance, craft, and storytelling workshops.

But our hands-down (hands-on?) favorite was the Instrument Petting Zoo where the kids were encouraged to touch and play (Hey! That works on two levels!) with the musical instruments.

The Walt Disney Concert Hall is that crazy, space-age, jaw-droppingly-beautiful building in Downtown Los Angeles.

It would be worth a trip to LA just to experience the magic and majesty of the place.

But the music. Ah, the music...

My kids were definitely the two oldest at this event, but they're both musicians so they were able to appreciate the beauty of it all. They were captivated by the program, by the hall, and of course, by the Instrument Petting Zoo. ;-)

Could this boy look any happier?

Mendelssohn's Mystical Landscapes will be performed again this coming Saturday, November 12th, 2011. Click here for details and tickets.

We are already making plans to return for other events at the hall - Hello, Handel's Messiah Sing-along (!) Extra coolness points - the concerts are awesomely affordable for families.

And the exposure to such beautiful music in such an amazing setting definitely impacted us personally.

Jonathan: "Mom, I might need to get a violin."

See what I mean?

{A special thank you to the Walt Disney Concert Hall, the LA Phil, the Toyota Symphonies for Youth, and alPunto Advertising for the wonderful musical memories.}

La Mala Letra - my cousin, the dissident Cuban blogger

As many of you know, I still have family in Cuba. Aunts, uncles, cousins and their offspring. 

We used to be thick as thieves back in the day, but time and distance and a repressive dictatorship has managed to destroy what close relations we had. 

I have a cousin in Cuba, who is my age. (One of the few photos of us together from 1959. I'm the 2nd cowgirl from the left. She's the one on the far right.)

And she's a blogger.

While I get to write about how charmed my life is and all the fun things we get to do, she writes about politics. Because politics in Cuba colors everything. So that's what she writes about. The shortage of food. The difficulties in travel. Impossibly low wages. The official government reactions to Gaddaffi's ousting and her opinions about all of the above.

I think she's very terribly brave. And I'd like to introduce you to her today.

Her name is Regina Coyula and her site is called La Mala Letra (Bad Handwriting) and is translated into English by some fabulously dedicated folks who help get the word out. 

When Amy was in Cuba last year she spent time with Regina who introduced her to the underground Cuban blogosphere. 

She blogs about the realities in Cuba and hopes that change will come quickly to the island she calls home.

She doesn't really think she alone can make a difference, but rather she feels like a pebble, who, when joined with many other pebbles begins an avalanche. I like that analogy. It seems fitting, somehow.

How I wish, for her sake and for the sake of the millions of Cubans imprisoned by the Castros on that island that the avalanche would start soon.

 Please go check out her blog in English or in Spanish. And when you do, please give thanks for the many blessings we daily take for granted here in the land of the free.

A lesson in Male vs. Female problem solving

We have had some seriously schizophrenic weather here in the O.C. in the past week.

First there was a string of really ridiculously surface-of-the-sun type hot days in the 100+ range.

Then, poof! The hot weather disappeared and there was a thunder-lightning-downpour with a nice cool breeze. 

All that to say that when the weather changes in these crazy ways, we usually get ants in the house. Which I hate. (I usually spray them with Windex, which kills them and then I can just wipe the counters down and that doesn't seem as toxic as ant spray, but they seem to keep coming back for a while, but that's not important right now.)

So, I've been spraying and cleaning and moving food away from the pantry and onto the kitchen table because I figure that's more of a challenge to the ant colony.

I've been checking the kitchen every few hours, making sure every dish was clean and that there was no sign of food anywhere on the counters (which is a challenge because I'm a super messy cook, but that's not important right now, either).

The ants would return and I would spray and clean and so it went. 

Eric, however, is not as patient as I am, so when I said, "I think they're coming from behind that outlet," he took matters into his own hands.

My hero. *sigh* 

What do you do when (if?) you get ants? Tell me.